


The Smash Chronicles

by PlegianGengar



Series: The Smash Chronicles [1]
Category: Nintendo, Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Action/Adventure, Co-Written, Comedy, Crossover, Gen, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-04-05 10:28:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 34,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14042262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlegianGengar/pseuds/PlegianGengar
Summary: When the dimensions of Nintendo are at risk, a single nerd is sent to gather the heroes of the worlds and rally against the new threat.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Super Smash Brothers is not owned by me or my co-writer, nor are any of the characters or their respective games.
> 
> Hello everyone! For anyone reading, keep in mind that the canon of Nintendo games supersedes Super Smash Brothers, so the skills and abilities of each character will be based on their appearance in their respective games, not their movesets in Smash (for example, neither Ness or Lucas are never seen using Psi/PK Fire, Ice, or thunder). 
> 
> Quick Warning: This is a self insert story. I can completely understand if this turns you off from it, but hopefully you give it a chance, as Miis need to be represented somehow and I believe an outside perspective can be both engaging and comedic.
> 
> Possibly even more controversial; Third party characters will not be making an appearance in the story. As I've said before, this is a Nintendo story first and a Smash Brothers story second, and introducing entire new worlds that wouldn't fit well in the narrative would just be sloppily done and I wouldn't do them justice. Sorry. At the very least you can see a wider cast from the different games that characters in smash come from! Also, any Nintendo playable character that appeared in Smash Brothers as a playable character will appear here in some shape or form (yes, this includes Wolf, Pichu, Ice Climbers etc.).
> 
> I'm writing this with my friend Premasaur, and he's posting this on his FFN account, so if you have an account there feel free to follow him too!
> 
>  
> 
> With that aside, I hope you enjoy the story.

Gerudo Desert had always been notorious for the brutal conditions to all who dared to enter. The hot and unbearable weather, the steep and difficult to traverse terrain, the frequent gusts of sand blowing in the faces of unwary travelers when they fell for one of the desert’s notorious mirages. But to the being under the green cloak, none of it seemed to matter. It was a rather short being, but it carried itself with purpose as it flew over the sandy dunes. From beneath the cloak, two neon eyes shone without even a wink of expression, and underneath its mechanical base it carried a large round bomb with a large ‘X’ emblazoned on the center.

Despite the aforementioned harsh conditions, Gerudo desert was not completely uninhabited. Gerudo’s namesake, the warriors of the desert, could be found in a fortress that they had constructed themselves as a sort of base of operations. When the being in the green cloak arrived at its borders, they didn’t slow in the face of what many considered to be certain peril, and floated down, ignoring the guards leveling their weapons and growling amongst themselves.

The Gerudo were unique as a female only race, the birth rate of a male so rare that one could only be expected to be born every hundred years. Their skin was tanned by the hot desert air and their hair was red to contrast it. They wore light clothing that wouldn’t restrict their movement in combat; little else mattered to them but strength, a fact evident by their many weapons and well conditioned bodies.

The hooded figure’s destination was the fortress itself, which stood stalwart and intimidating yet crude and shabby; the Gerudo didn’t seem very interested in decoration. The hooded figure didn’t stop at the whistling that ordered the Gerudo to mobilize, but they did glance at the two witches circling in the sky like vultures.

What finally stopped the figure’s flight pattern were the warriors surrounding him, leaping off their towers and leveling their weapons. They held spears and swords made from the finest gold and steel. A few archers even took aim from their vantage points, ready to let loose with arrows whenever necessary.

One Gerudo, clearly one of high rank judging by her fancier attire, stepped forward, twirling a sword bigger than the figure’s entire body. She had a more playful aura than her subordinates, and she wore a predatory smile on her face.

“We’ve given you fair warning.” She spoke in heavy accent, though she spoke it quite well. “We will not give you another. Leave this place at once or state your business. Be warned, if you waste our time you will regret it.”

“I have no intention of wasting your time, milady,” the hooded figure said with a deep, respectful bow. They spoke with a disguised male voice, vaguely robotic. “I wish to speak with your king. I believe there are...mutual benefits we could share if we worked together.”  
“Demanding an audience with our ruler is as rude as knocking down our door!” The Gerudo snarled in response. “If you do not prove yourself you will learn your place! Aveil!”

“With pleasure!” the woman next to her said, a wicked grin on her face. She sprinted through the sand, spinning two swords in her hands as she lunged for the figure in the green robes.

The being in the cloak’s eyes flashed, jerking into motion and shooting a laser bolt that struck Aveil before she could close half the distance. The Gerudo fell with a strangled cry, hitting the sand in a roll and clutching the spot where the beam had hit her. She did not rise to attack again.

“I did not kill her,” the figure replied as the Gerudo muttered in shock. “But, I’d rather I not repeat myself. I wouldn’t want to waste your time, after all.”

The Gerudo leader looked perplexed, before shaking her head as she stood up and faced the cloaked figure once more. “Why do you wish to speak to him? What could you possibly know about him?”

“It’s in regards to the gaping wound in his chest that he no doubt refuses to talk about,” the figure replied, causing the women around him to gasp. 

“Well, you’ve proved yourself capable at the very least,” she said, dropping her sword. She gestured to the entrance of the fortress. “But know that our king is less kind to intruders than ourselves.”

“Thank you very much,” the figure said as two guards ushered him towards the fortress. Aveil struggled to her feet, wiping the tears of pain in her eyes. The Gerudo leader did not move to help her to her feet; Aveil would have taken it as an insult.

“We could have taken him, Nabooru,” Aveil said with a growl of frustration. “Why did you let him go?”

“He’s different than most intruders,” Nabooru said after a moment of hesitation. “Perhaps we could have beaten him, but he knows something we don’t. Something our king doesn’t know.”

“And if he’s a threat?” Aveil asked.

“Ganondorf will execute him,” Nabooru said with a shrug. “He may have proved himself capable, but no one in existence is as powerful as our king.”

-

Like a stereotypical king upon his throne, Ganondorf Dragmire was sitting on what was easily the most expensive piece of furniture in the tired fortress. A lavish and large chair, made from the finest gold mined from the desert he had always called his home, with the back containing an intricate mosaic tiled by emeralds obtained before the Gerudo closed themselves off from foreigners. Leaning his head against his fist, he watched the hooded figure enter and approach with reverence. Unlike his sisters, he wore a full set of black armor that failed to hide the glowing wound above his breast, the sign that he had been stabbed by a holy weapon. That weapon in question was leaning against his chair in arm’s reach should he ever feel the need to “greet” a guest, though he didn’t seem bothered to reach it in face of the intruder. 

His two surrogate mothers, Koume and Kotake, descended to either side of the king of thieves. They both cast shrewd looks at the mysterious figure, ready to attack with their powerful magic if they displayed any threat to their king.

“Can I help you?” Ganondorf drawled. He couldn’t be bothered with the trespasser today. Not when he had much more important things to worry about. Perhaps he’d even let them live if they weren’t too obnoxious.

“My lord,” the figure said with a deep bow. “You need not trouble yourself with me personally, but I believe my master has had business with you in the past.”

“Oh?” Ganondorf said with mild interest. “Get on with it, then. I’m busy, and if this isn’t something worth talking about I’m turning you into a new suit of armor.”

“You were scheduled to be executed, were you not?” the figure asked, his glowing yellow eyes fixated on the warlock in front of him. “You rather impressively survived the sword thrust through your chest, broke through the chains holding you down with ease, and murdered one of the executioners with your bare hands. In retaliation, those that remained prepared to banish you to the Twilight Realm. But that’s not where you ended up, is it?”

This finally got a reaction from the seemingly apathetic Gerudo, and he stiffened in his seat. Though he showed no outward emotion on his face, the hooded figure felt an iota of pride at the thought of getting underneath Ganondorf’s skin.

Koume and Kotake rose their wands at their son’s reaction, but Ganondorf raised a hand to stop them. Instead, he reached for the sword at his side, unsheathing it and slamming it into the stone with a loud clang.

“With this very blade,” Ganondorf said, his face contorted into a snarl. “So you know why I was brought here, then. You have answers that I demand to hear.”

“Of course,” the hooded figure said, careful to keep his tone light. “It’s precisely why I’m here anyway.”

 

He would be a fool to not notice the Gerudo guards that decided to block his exit, brandishing their spears and speaking in whispers. Still, he had no fear when he spoke to their leader, even as he silently watched the troops mobilize.

“Forgive me if I don’t explain this well, I’m still new to this thinking myself,” he admitted. “The land of Hyrule is but a tile in a mosaic of dimensions. My master flows between each of these dimensions, and plans to rule over all of it. Like a puppeteer, he is dragging worlds of his choice together, gathering his enemies and future allies for an easy victory.”

“And the gods won’t prevent this?” Ganondorf asked, his expression unreadable. “Normally they stay directly out of the affairs of mortals, but if what you claim is true then your master seems to be on the same plane as the gods themselves.” 

“The gods’ hands are tied,” the hooded figure said in a plain tone, making it sound like Ganondorf’s question was trivial. “My master has unleashed a monster beyond comprehension upon them. They will not interfere with our conquest directly.”

Ganondorf took a long time to think. 

“Why are you telling me this?” Ganondorf asked. “What exactly is your interest in me? Why did your master change my destination and send me back to my old fortress? What does he hope to gain?”

“We know of your power,” the hooded figure said. “We understand your connection to the Triforce of Power, and the extent of your potential if you access the Sacred Realm. We would like to recruit you, and use you to further our goals.”

“And what’s in it for me?” Ganondorf asked, raising his sword and pointing it at the figure. Koume and Kotake raised their wands once more, lighting them with magic power. “What should stop me from slaying you here and declaring war on your ‘master?’”

“We would offer you power beyond anything you could imagine,” the hooded figure said. “You would have free dominion over much more than this world you wish to conquer. You would become commander of our many armies, demanding respect and fear over whatever land you tread. There is nothing more fulfilling than being a part of something greater than yourself, yes?”

 

Ganondorf went to speak but seemed to change his mind. He lowered his sword, prompting the two witches to do the same with their wands. “...and I would be granted the full extent of the Triforce?” Ganondorf finally said.

“Of course,” the hooded figure said.

“Very well,” Ganondorf said, his lips curling into a cruel smile. “You’ve given me much to think about. Before I decide anything, though, you would show me proof of your claims. This better not be a waste of my time.”

“Of course,” the hooded figure said, bowing once again. “I will return tomorrow with the means of speaking with my master directly.”

Ganondorf nodded, and the hooded figure moved to leave. Ganondorf stopped him.

“I would have your name before your departure,” Ganondorf said. “You have mine, it’s only fair.”

“I have no name,” the hooded figure said with a sad sigh. “I’m just a minister of ancient times. Call me what you like.”

With that, the Ancient Minister flew away, the Gerudo guards relenting in letting him leave.

When they were sure the minister was gone, Ganondorf rose from his seat and looked down down at his unsheathed sword. The cool grin was still on his face, and he began to chuckle uncontrollably. Koume and Kotake exchanged a nervous glance.

“Milord, perhaps you should reconsider,” Koume said as she and her sister circled around Ganondorf. “After all, it said that it is you who will lead us in our victory.”

“In truth, this situation could not have gone better,” Ganondorf said. “This is rather convenient. Right when I began to give to despair, a solution was handed to me on a silver platter. This is the perfect opportunity to destroy Hyrule and reclaim the remaining pieces of the Triforce.”

“So, they believe they’re using you, but….you’re in fact using them?” Kotake asked, struggling to follow.

“Of course,” Ganondorf said. “If that Minister isn’t bluffing anyway. If he is, I’ll kill him personally.”

“But what about that master he keeps mentioning!?” Koume squawked. “If what he says is true-”

“Nothing is as powerful as the Triforce put together,” Ganondorf said with a sneer. “He claims to respect power yet underestimates me. It’ll be his undoing.”

He began to chuckle again, bordering on hysterical laughter. “I’ll play their game for now, but the only ruler of this land will be me.”

-

Kamek felt his heart sink down into his throat as he saw fire light the window of his destination; King Bowser Koopa’s fortress. Most who could even brave the harsh landscapes and relentless Koopa Army to catch sight of the castle fled at first glance, and even after many years of service to Bowser, Kamek still felt a twinge of fear every time he returned. The lava moats, the volcanoes in the distance, the sleek stone construction slowly darkened by its moody skies and volcanic ash. The exterior and interior alike were lit by fires stoked by Lord Bowser himself, and the castle’s forts and crown were modeled after the Koopa King as well. It was hard to not be intimidated. He had been hoping to catch his liege in a good mood, but of course that was rare for Bowser, who was known to bring down buildings and stomp down mountains when he was angry. Still, Kamek thought with a deep sigh, at least the old wizard knew where to find him.

He flew on his broomstick, nodding at the respectful bows of the Koopa guards as he passed. The castle hadn’t changed much since he had left—it almost never did. He slowly flew through the castle, receiving greetings and more respectful bows as he went deeper and deeper until he paused outside the door of his lieges’ room, opening the door a crack. Immediately he heard the familiar shouts of Bowser, though they weren’t directed at the unexpected intrusion. From what he could tell, Bowser was roaring at his son for hitting his tail with a hammer. Oh joy.  
“Your Grouchiness,” Kamek said, knocking on the door after poking his head through the crack. “May I enter? I’m afraid it’s quite urgent.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Bowser growled from the other side. “Get it over with.”

Thanking his king for his patience, Kamek flew into the room, which was bigger than most auditoriums. Bowser was sitting on his massive emperor’s size bed (he claimed he was far too important for a king sized), folding his arms and grumbling to himself. His son, Bowser Junior, was sniffing and rubbing his backside, giving his father an evil look.

“I’ll be frank,” Kamek said, wondering if Bowser was angry enough today to cause bodily harm. “An army is marching towards the castle right this very moment. We’ll be under attack in six hour’s time if they plan to do so.”

“What!?” Bowser barked. He turned around towards Kamek and gave a furious stomp. “What about the border patrol? Why didn’t they clock in?”

“The Shy Guy company stationed there was completely obliterated,” Kamek said. “Along with any of your forces that tried to engage them. We may be outclassed here.”

“Grrr, why do my minions have to be so incompetent?!” Bowser roared. “By now the Princess would be ours and Mario would be crushed to a pulp if my so called troop didn’t fail at every turn. What, do I have to fight this army myself?”

“Sir, why I’m sure you’d be rather impressive out there, wouldn’t you like to hear first about what the army is made of?”

“Nah,” Bowser said with a guffaw. He punched an open fist. “I’ve been having a cruddy day. This is an awesome way to take a load off!”

“That is a foolish move, even for you,” came a new robotic voice. Bowser and Kamek both turned in surprise, now facing the Ancient Minister who was floating in the doorway. His yellow eyes bore into theirs.

“Uh….Kamek?” Bowser asked, nudging his servant. “Is he one of our guys? You know I can’t keep track.”

“No,” Kamek said, his knuckles turning white as he gripped his wand. “If I’m not mistaken that’s the enemy commander.”

“One of them,” the minister corrected. “Forgive me for intruding, but you left the front door wide open. King Bowser Koopa, correct? It is an honor to meet someone of your prestige.”

“Huh,” Bowser said, blinking. “Well it’s nice to be appreciated! But! I’m still kicking you and your army’s metal butt.”

“I have no doubt you would do so easily,” the minister said with a bow. “But I think I have a better solution in mind that does not involve fighting me or my army. Perhaps we could cooperate?”

“Oh yeah?” Bowser said, already forming fire in his mouth. Kamek too, watched suspiciously. Feeling the heat would close in on him, the Ancient Minister knew he had to catch Bowser’s attention, and fast.

“We can help you capture Princess Peach, and defeat Mario once and for all.”

Bowser froze at this, the fire fading from his mouth as he glared down the minister in interest. Kamek and Bowser Junior exchanged a glance. 

Pressing his advantage, the Ancient Minister continued. “You’ll have full dominion of the Mushroom Kingdom, and a chance to defeat your rival Mario once and for all. All we ask in return is your support. You would become a commander of my master’s great army.”

“Yeah, but I don’t play second fiddle,” Bowser growled. “I don’t know who this ‘master’ of yours is, but he’ll be answering to me soon enough.”

“Fair enough,” Ancient Minister said, shrugging his shoulders. “If you wish, once we have conquered all, you can challenge him to single combat to determine the true ruler of this land. He accepts all challengers.”

“Ha!” Bowser Junior giggled. “Against my papa he stands no chance! Tell him he’d better say his prayers, cuz-”

“Quiet, Junior,” Bowser growled. “Go play with Broggy or something. Dad has important adult stuff to talk about.”

“Aww man!” Bowser Junior moaned as he stomped out. “Broggy always breaks my toys and tries to bite me. It’s no fair!”

 

“Oh, and I didn’t forget your punishment!” Bowser snarled after him. “No cookies for a week. I’m telling Kamek not to put them in your lunchbox!”

He was met with an inarticulate scream of rage from his son that caused Kamek to flinch. 

Bowser glanced at his retainer. “Throw the cookies my way, alright?”

“Yes, yes your greediness, once this meeting’s wrapped up I’ll prepare the evil milk,” Kamek said, his thick glasses obscuring the roll of his eyes.

The Ancient Minister cleared his throat, which was odd considering he seemed to be made up entirely of metal parts.

“Oh, you’re still here?” Bowser said in surprise.

The Ancient Minister looked perplexed. “Is that not why you called your son away?”

“Shut up,” Bowser grunted. “You have yourself a deal. Under one condition.”

“Oh?” the minister asked. He managed to push down his increasing aggravation at the king and keep a neutral expression.

“I want Junior as an officer in the army,” Bowser elaborated. “I want a nice position for him, and he’s going to report back to me on what exactly you’re up to.”

“You mean….the child?” The Ancient Minister asked in surprise. “You would let him fight?”

“He’s the heir to the throne, so he’s gonna need some mettle and field experience,” Bowser said, folding his arms. “When I was half his age I took down a green donkey and his friends down in one fell swoop.”  
“You and I seem to remember that story very differently,” Kamek muttered under his breath.

“I have no personal objections,” the Ancient Minister said. “If he can prove himself well on the battlefield than I see no reason not to agree to your terms.

“Perfect,” Bowser said with a toothy grin. “We’re a team now.”

“What!?” Kamek said in surprise. “Just like that? Sir, with all due respect, we know nothing about this man, and he knows everything about you! Aren’t you bothered at all?”

“GWAHAHAHA!” Bowser laughed. “You kidding? This is me we’re talking about. Anyone who doesn’t know the great Koopa King is a chump.”

“I-of course,” Kamek said, letting out a sigh. “Your word is law.”

“But,” Bowser said, his face suddenly menacing. “We go after Mario and the Princess as soon as possible. No delay.”

Kamek could almost see the smug grin on the Ancient Minister’s hidden face as he nodded.

“If that is your wish. We’ll just need proof of your support. Please be prepared to lead your troops when we march on our next location.”

“Yeah?” Bowser asked. “And where’s that?”

“Planet Pop Star,” the Ancient Minister replied with a gleam in his eye. “We’re going to storm Castle Dedede. And you’re going to command the assault.”

-

King Dedede was not in a very good mood when his spa day was interrupted by the sound of chaos down the halls and the tremors caused by what seemed to be the castle defenses hard at work. Lifting one of the cucumbers from his eyes, he was met with his nervous retainer Escargoon at the side of his tub.

“Is it Kirby again?” Dedede drawled before the snail could say anything. It was always Kirby. Kirby, Kirby, Kirby, entering the castle like he owned the place. He’d steal food, disturb the Waddle Dees, and irritate Dedede to no end. It had been that way for years. And yet, despite his attempts, nothing the king ever did ever managed to repel that innocent pink ball of air. Escargoon winced and looked away as the giant penguin took off his towel, revealing his unclothed body.

“I don’t know who it is!” Escargoon yelped, continuing to avert his eyes. “But there’s a whole bunch of them and they’re creaming the Waddle Dees! The Waddle Doos have gotten nothing done either!”

“Should’a known it wasn’t that pink goody-two shoes,” Dedede grumbled, snapping to get the attention of the two Waddle Dees who came to assist in clothing him. “Kirby’s annoyin’, but he ain’t disrespectful. He knows not to interrupt the king during spa time. Bandana Dee can’t fight ‘em off?”

“Well, he’s doing his best, but you know how bad our men are at fighting,” Escargoon with a sigh.

 

Dedede sighed as well, before quickly perking himself up and giving his fat belly a proud pat. 

“Welp, only one thing left t’do!” a now fully clothed Dedede said. “Escargoon! Get me my hammer! I’m gonna meet the commander of their force head on!”

Just as the king of the palace got up to fight, the front of Dedede castle was blown open by a stack of Goombas who had been used like a battering ram by a fierce Chargin’ Chuck. The remaining Waddle Dees glanced at each other, nervous. They had heart, but these attackers were way out of their league.

“Hold the line!” The Waddle Dee leader said. He stood more confident than his subordinates, brandishing a spear with practiced skill. The blue bandana he wore on his head distinguished him from his peers, earning him his coveted nickname. He beat back the horizontal pillar of Goombas with the butt of his weapon, before raising it high to get his allies attention. “We must hold them off until the king arrives!”

That would be easier said than done. Dedede still needed to obtain his hammer and arrive at the scene of battle. With the doors wide open, Bowser’s forces found it easy to pile in the room and begin to overwhelm the enemy. Goombas charged forward, followed by the green and red shelled Koopas. Behind them came a pair of Hammer Brothers, while a squad of Monty Moles burrowed through the earth to take the Waddle Dees by surprise.

The remaining Waddle Dees ran out to meet them, but the battle was very one sided. The Waddle Dee army had taken heavy losses, and of the few that remained many deserted the army entirely. Bowser’s army also outclassed Dedede’s in power. A Waddle Dee was an even match for a goomba, but failed against the likes of the tough-shelled Koopas and the skillful Hammer Brothers. Some had given up hope entirely and began to either sleep on the job in the hopes that the opposing army would pass over them, while others huddled together and prepared for the end.

The only thing that kept them from failing utterly was Bandana Dee. He twirled his spear with easy skill and confidence, dancing through his opponents. He knew where to strike the koopas, tripped the goombas, and unearthed the Monty Moles before they could catch him off guard. The hammer brothers gave him more trouble, but by the time the Ancient Minister arrived he had stabbed one through the abdomen and thrown him into his brother, bowling them both over.

“Impressive,” Ancient Minister said with genuine respect as reinforcements surged around him. “To think that this sad excuse for an army has a ‘B’ ranked fighter in their midst.”

“‘B’….rank?” Bandana Dee asked, raising his spear in a defensive position. 

“Oh...yes, of course you wouldn’t be familiar with the concept,” the Ancient Minister said. “My master in all his omniscience has seen the many warriors of the worlds and determined a ranking system based on their weapons and skills. The minions are of the mere ‘D’ rank, but you’re impressive enough to be in the same rank as I am.”

“Okay,” Bandana Dee said, blinking. “So, you’re going to fight me then?”

“Oh heavens, no,” the Ancient Minister said. “Have you ignored what I just said? If we were to come to blows I’d stand a real chance of losing.”

Bandana Dee looked up in surprise as a helicopter like vehicle resembling the face of a clown flew into view.

“But against an ‘A’ rank fighter?” the Ancient Minister asked. “Even you would be overwhelmed. Have fun.”

Bandana Dee’s eyes widened as Bowser jumped from the vehicle above him, leaping to the side as the koopa’s fist smashed down, leaving a crater in its wake. Bandana Dee gulped. If he had been a second slower he’d now be a fine paste.

“Show time!” Bowser said with a toothy smile, unleashing flames from his mouth. Bandana Dee steeled his nerves and sprinted forward, spear at the ready. Claws met steel in a shower of sparks, and the two fighters glared at each other. But when Bandana Dee spun to aim another strike, Bowser caught him by surprise and slashed his spear to pieces with his other set of claws. When Bandana Dee tried to stumble away, Bowser threw a punch straight into his face, sending the poor leader crashing into a support beam, bringing it down with him.

“Careful not to be too rough with them, Bowser,” the Ancient Minister said as he surveyed the damage Bandana Dee had caused. “We want them alive, after all.”

“But why!?” Bowser practically whined. “These chumps are weaklings! I wanna go all out!”

“Well...” The minister looked up as King Dedede stomped into the main hallway, his hammer slung over his shoulder and raring to go. “It looks like you may have your chance.”

“Well lookie here!” Dedede said, watching the wreckage. “I spy with my little eye a couple of naughty bandits!”

“Dibs on the flightless bird,” Bowser said with a belly laugh. “Poultry is on the menu tonight!”

“Not yet, Bowser,” Ancient Minister said, irritated. “We haven’t made the offer yet.”

“An offer?” Dedede asked, overhearing. “You’ve done all this to my castle just so that ya could make me a deal? You’d best speak up, boy!”

“I’ve been told that you’d be the most difficult one to convince,” Ancient Minister said. “That unlike Bowser and Ganondorf you have something of a moral code. I don’t know for sure if it’s true, but you can see our power from where you stand. Join forces with us and you’ll have all the food and power you’ll ever want.”

“Yer offerin’ me a job?” Dedede asked, narrowing his eyes. “Even after all this destruction?” 

“Of course you’re welcome to refuse,” Bowser said, showing all his teeth in his evil grin. “I’d have a lot more fun that way.”

“What’s your answer?” Ancient Minister said, ignoring his partner’s bloodlust. “I must admit that you won’t exactly enjoy what happens if you refuse. Not to sound like I’m threatening you, but…”

Dedede hesitated, watching as more and more of King Koopa’s forces flooded into his castle. Despite what Escargoon always said about him, he wasn’t a complete dunderhead. He knew that he stood little chance of fighting off an entire army, especially if more was still coming. He could avoid it if he surrendered here. Heck, with their combined forces they might actually be able to defeat Kirby!

Dedede mulled over whether to take the offer or refuse it for a while. The pros and cons of accepting versus declining seemed to lead to an extreme risk no matter what he did, and there was no getting out of this choice. What made his decision, however, was Bandana Dee. Watching him rise from the wreckage of the castle, giving the penguin a dazed and bemused look and stumbling around as he moved was so hard to watch that Dedede felt a twinge of guilt large enough to move him.

Dedede took a deep sigh and accepted his threat. “Humph. I may not be the sweetest pumpkin in the patch, but even a great buffoon like me has to do the right thing every once in a while.”

“Oh, you’re refusing?” the Ancient Minister asked in mild surprise.

“Heck yeah, I am!” Dedede said, giving a wide toothy smile. “When you mess with the king’s property, you get the king himself!”

Dedede suddenly pulled a massive bomb out from beneath his robe and threw it upwards, before swinging his hammer down like a tennis racket would to a ball. “Dedede, love!”

Bowser and the Ancient Minister were able to dive out of the way in time, but the bomb’s explosion blew Bowser’s forces away and sent the ones not hit directly by the blast flying. The Ancient Minister glared at the smoke, which didn’t bother his lack of lungs but still obstructed his sight. That much smoke and damage meant the bomb, and therefore the king, was quite powerful.

The minister’s musings were cut short when he saw Dedede positioned above him, swinging his hammer straight towards the minister’s head. The damn fool had used the smoke to his advantage! Bowser jumped in the way, catching the hammer with his fist an inch away from the Ancient Minister’s face.

“You owe me, Metal Butt,,” Bowser growled as he shuddered against Dedede’s massive strength. The two titans pushed against each other, struggling to overcome each other’s girth as the Ancient Minister moved out of harm’s way.

Dedede spun around, swinging his hammer with him, but Bowser managed to duck under it. Dedede lost balance and Bowser used it to his advantage, jabbing his spiked shell at the king’s face, but Dedede managed to block it with his hammer in the last second. The impact was powerful enough to send him sliding back, but he stayed strong on his feet.

“Another ‘A’ ranked,” the Ancient Minister said, watching the penguin in surprise. “I wouldn’t have thought a mortal could match Bowser’s brute strength. I have newfound respect for you.”

“Darn right you do!” Dedede boasted, patting his belly and hefting his hammer on his shoulder. “I’m the king! Nothin’ but the best!”

“Oh be quiet, you tub of lard!” Bowser said, punching an open fist. “Come here and I’ll turn you into a pile of feathers!”

“Unfortunately for you, there exists a rank even beyond A,” the Ancient Minister explained as something dark flew past him. “Those of this rank are powerful enough to challenge the gods themselves.”

Before Dedede could react, the black blur flew at him, reappearing a second later behind the penguin. Dedede glanced behind him, before watching in horror as his hammer shattered into three pieces and hit the floor.

“You...M-meta Knight!” Dedede gasped at the masked figure in front of him, shocked that one of his allies was brandishing his sword at him. “What are you-?”

He was interrupted by Bowser’s fist flying into his stomach, the poor penguin’s eyes bugging out as he felt the air leave his lungs. Bowser followed up with a vicious headbutt, sending Dedede crumbling to the ground, defeated.

“Excellent work you two,” the Ancient Minister said. “Especially you, Meta Knight. Fast as ever. I would have expected you to have more qualms attacking an old friend.”

The masked man sheathed his sword, fixing his gaze on his former king’s unconscious body. “He is arrogant and corrupt. I had no affinity for him.”

“Get a few minions to drag Dedede to the hold of the Halberd,” the Ancient Minister said to Bowser. “He’ll need some convincing, but I’m certain he’ll come around. As for you…” The Ancient Minister turned to Meta Knight. “Return to the Halberd and await further orders. That is all for now.”

Meta knight nodded without a word and vanished with a single flip of his cape.

“Fine. Whatever,” Bowser said, rolling his eyes. “So, what? We gonna blow his castle up with a Subspace bomb?”

The Ancient Minister shook his head. “I’d prefer we keep some semblance of subtlety. There are threats on Pop Star that I’d rather not have working together, Kirby especially. Besides, there’s an army of able bodies that report here. I won’t waste it.”

“So then when does the cool stuff happen!?” Bowser said, furiously stomping the ground. “Enough pussy footing around! I want to pummel Mario to the dirt!”

“You will,” the Ancient Minister said in reassurance. “In fact, I’ve been saving this first Subspace bomb for the Mushroom Kingdom. Where else to announce ourselves as threat to existence itself?”

-

Few knew about the existence of what was called “Subspace.” It was a strange realm inaccessible to all but a few, as it connected entire universes together; the stitching of reality itself. Without it, universes would drift away and could potentially run the risk of colliding with others, creating adverse effects that nobody wanted to ever witness in their lifetimes. Subspace was a secret kept hidden from the many. The exception was the gods.

As of now they were the only ones who knew about the threat that could obliterate everything that they held dear.

The course of action seemed obvious to everyone. Plans for retaliation needed to be made. The eldest protectors and creators of the worlds sat around a massive table held in the palace of the gods; a gateway and middleman between each and every dimension. Representatives from many worlds had accepted invitations to this summit.

Palutena, the goddess of light and mother hen of sorts to the gods, sat at the head of the table. Next to her was the wise and humble Eldstar, the leader of the seven Star Spirits who watched over the Mushroom World. Around him were the six other Star Spirits, but they seemed a bit intimidated by the presence of the other gods.

Though the divine goddesses Naga and Hylia were ethereal, in the palace of the gods they could take physical forms. Hylia looked deadly in her warrior outfit with her sword and shield, which was offset by her gentle smile. Naga, surprisingly, took the form of a male with long blond hair, looking more like a prince than a dragon.

The Alpha Pokemon Arceus stood the tallest one there, with the creation trio of Palkia, Dialga, and Giratina flanking him. Despite his claims at being benevolent he had a short temper, which was not helped by the sun god Pyrrhon’s constant boasting. He seethed until Pyrrhon accidentally lit him on fire. The original Pokemon snapped, transforming into a water type with one of his plates and dousing the sun god. Pyrrhon looked down dejectedly.

The golden goddesses Farore, Din, and Nayru sat together, speaking to each other alone in hushed voices and occasionally eyeing Hylia. Despite being half the size of most gods and only coming up to Arceus’ knee, the goddess of nature Viridi had her feet propped up on the table, looking mostly unimpressed. Poseidon seemed perturbed by her casual behavior, but god of the forge Dyntos seemed too wrapped up in what he was making to notice.

“I’d rather we start soon, Palutena,” Eldstar said. “In truth the thought of so many deities in one place is….concerning.”

“We’re still waiting on one person,” Palutena said, before adding as an afterthought: “If he decides to come.”

“Oh great!” Viridi snapped. “Why couldn’t we have just left him to rot for another twenty five years?”

“Viridi...This god deserves a seat at the table here as much as anyone else.” Despite her tone, Palutena couldn’t get through the sentence without sounding a little uncertain about the final guest’s presence as well.

“I say we just start this without him. Maybe we could actually get work done if he wasn’t around,” Viridi rebuked.

“Viridi!” came a new, flamboyant voice. “As feisty as always!”

“Oh great,” Viridi said, rolling her eyes. 

Hades burst the great doors of the palace with a loud cheer, before sauntering over to the gods’ table like he owned the place. Arceus let out a low growl at his presence, Hylia and Naga’s smiles became fixed, and even Dyntos raised an eyebrow from his work.

“I hope you weren’t waiting for me,” Hades said, stroking his chin in an exaggerated fashion. “Not because I feel bad of course, but war meetings are so dull.”

“Have a seat Hades,” Palutena said, a disarming smile on her face. “We have a lot to talk about.”

“Don’t mind if I do!” Hades said, tipping Viridi’s chair and sending her toppling out. As he took his seat, Naryu had to physically restrain Viridi from attacking him once she got up.

“Well, it looks like everyone is here!” Hades said, rubbing his hands together. “It’s been so long. I’ve missed you all!”

“That makes one of us!” Viridi protested. “Palutena, why did you have to bring him back to life? He literally gains more power from war!”

“We’re in a desperate time,” Palutena admitted. “We need all the help we can get, and Hades proved he can play nice when there’s a common enemy..”

“Why Palutena, I’m touched,” Hades said in mock disbelief. “I think I’m going to cry.”

Palutena leaned over the table to glare at him. “You really aren’t making this easy, you know that?”

“His behavior aside,” Eldstar said, eager to change the conversation. “We’re all aware of the problem at hand. Balance has overstepped his boundaries and destroyed the masters of order and chaos. He has used his power to bring our dimensions together to a single planet, which he aptly calls Pangea.”

“You know I heard he calls himself Tabuu now,” Hades said, checking his nails. “Far more fitting if you ask me, but the spelling is appalling.”

“This is a serious issue,” Arceus hissed, glaring at Hades. “If I had known you’d be here I wouldn’t have shown up. We have no time for a fool in a time like this.”

“To make matters worse, he’s been calling together all the supervillains from our various worlds and forming essentially an axis of power,” Palutena added. “He can’t leave Subspace, of course, but it won’t matter if he can get that army to do the job for him.”

“So, we respond in kind,” said Naga, spreading his hands. “After all, there are far more heroes in our many worlds than villains.”

“The issue in question is if we ourselves can get involved, yes?” Dyntos asked, finally looking up from his finished creation; a perfect miniature copy of a tiny triforce. He tossed it to Hylia, who smiled at the gift. “Bah! I say let the kids down there handle it. We gods exist to guide, not be soldiers!”

“I’m afraid this far more of a calamity than anything we’ve ever faced,” Hylia replied. “And we’ve gotten involved before. Tabuu has already broken the rules to openly declare war on the mortals and attempt to leave Subspace. Should we not do the same?”

“Hey, you guys know how I feel about humans,” Viridi said with a giggle. “But this monster is a threat to us gods as well, and all life in general!”

“He is messing with the very reality we created ourselves,” Arceus growled. “He is no true God. I will cast my judgement on his entire armies.”

“Whoa, let’s take it down a notch!” Palutena chuckled. “I admire the enthusiasm, but we need to act rationally. I trust Pit with all my being, and I know he and the other heroes will triumph. They always do.”

Arceus snorted. “Against Balance? Please. We ourselves are dwarfed by his power. Your angel is a paper tiger. At best.”

“But mortals have to fight their own battles,” Palutena protested. “Dyntos is right. We’re guides, and if we get involved in the fighting the mortals will suffer even more than they already have. It’s a tale as old as time….”

“And if we don’t fight directly it will be the last tale,” Eldstar countered. “I’m surprised at your naivety Palutena; some losses are necessary and unavoidable.”

“There is another option,” came a new, quiet voice. The gods turned, now facing the woman speaking with surprise. She wore a blue gown that shone like stars in the sky and had an air of mystery as great as the many cosmos of the many worlds. She held a small, cutesy but live star in her hands.

Few knew what to make of Rosalina. She wasn’t a god, and she was never invited, but somehow she had just shown up in the palace with ease, so she must have had some ethereal power. She was quiet about it, but there was a spark of humble wisdom in her eyes, as one who understood life itself.

“If necessary, I can recreate galaxies,” Rosalina said. “The world of Pangea will be created anew.”

“Well, isn’t that convenient,” Hades said. “So, what’s the monkey’s paw, Rosie? There’s always a catch.”

Rosalina, to her credit, didn’t reply to the bad nickname. “The creation of a galaxy would sacrifice thousands of Lumas. I’m sure they would be readily willing to make such a sacrifice for the better of the universes, but I’m afraid creating a galaxy at a scale such as what this Tabuu wishes...it’s never been done before. There could be greater consequences that I cannot foresee. I just wanted to state the option.”

“....Let’s hold back on that for now, yeah?” Palutena said, laughing nervously. “If you’re serious about getting involved, I prefer we go after Tabuu directly. I’d prefer not to drag the fight off any longer than it has to.”

“Funny,” came another new, cold voice. “Because soon all you will be doing is dragging a long war out longer than it needs to.”

A hooded figure had entered the still open doors, approaching the gods without any semblance of fear. From their size and shape, they looked to be completely human.

“Dang it, Hades!” Viridi shouted. “Keep the door closed! This is how hobos like this one get in!”

“Are you another God, or something inferior?” Arceus asked with spite. “Surely this...unusual presence was not meant to be here.”

As the other gods stared at their second uninvited visitor, Naga’s eyes widened with fear. He stared at the patterns on the robes, and the dark aura surrounding the human’s body, recognizing it immediately. His terrified expression was only noticed when he spoke. “It can’t….how can you be alive?”

“Shouldn’t you know?” The human-like figure asked, taking off her hood and revealing twintails and red eyes. She took one of her gloves off, revealing a dark tattoo on her hand. “After all, you have some experience with time and space manipulation yourself.”

“Enough games,” Arceus snapped. “Who are you, and what gives you the right to enter our domain?!”

“Fool!” The woman shouted, snapping her fingers. Portals opened up from the Palace floor, clawed hands reaching up as walking corpses emerged in the thousands, surrounding the gods.

“I am the fell dragon Grima!” The woman snapped. Her voice seemed human at the surface, but underneath it was an ancient and evil tone that cut through their souls like knives. “This palace is my birthright!”

“You’re as arrogant as you are naive, Avatar,” Naga growled. “You’re powerful, but you stand no chance against the gods working together, even with your Risen army.”

“Prove it!” Grima growled, raising a hand to send out a wave of dark magic. Naga roared and changed form, becoming a dragon comparable to Arceus in size. He unleashed a ball of green fire from his mouth, and the two energy waves clashed together in a powerful explosion.

“Kill them all,” Grima snapped, pointing at the gods and casting more magic. The Risen shambled towards their opponents, brandishing axes and swords.

But compared to the gods, the Risen were nothing. Pyrhhon burned dozens to cinders with his newly returned flames, Palutena shot blasts of light with her staff and defended with her shield, and Hylia lunged into battle, spinning and slashing through the undead creatures like a woman possessed. The sheer number of the Risen, however, kept them too busy to attack Grima, who was still exchanging blows with Naga.

Cackling like he was having the time of his life, Hades shot two lasers from his palms that obliterated fifty Risen apiece. He moved back to back with Palutena as she smacked one of the tougher ones over it’s head with her staff.

“Come to think about it,” Palutena said, ducking under an axe swing. “Why did you not side with Balance and his armies? They seem right up your alley.”

“Please,” Hades scoffed. “I have some standards, pretty Palutena. As I’ve said, this land is mine and mine alone to plunder! Anyone in the way of my goals shall be obliterated!” 

With that, he moved forward, punching through Risen and shattering their defenses with his bare hands, giggling all the while like a kid in a candy store. Palutena watched his progress with a resigned sigh.

The golden goddesses of the Triforce spun and danced together, releasing wind, fire, and water magic to defeat several waves of Risen. Palkia and Dialga launched attacks that distorted space and time, while Giratina appeared and reappeared out of nowhere, leaving mountains of corpses behind it. Meanwhile, Grima fought Naga, neither able to gain the upper hand.

“Tell me what you planned to accomplish!” Naga snarled, his voice growing more and more feminine. “All you’ve done is incurred our wrath!”

“Please,” Grima said, spinning to dodge the flames that licked at her heels. “The gods are nothing compared to what’s to come! It is time for my future to finally come to pass!”

Arceus floated in the air, focusing his power. “You will be brought to justice!”

Arceus threw a ball of light in the air that separated into meteors that fell upon the fighters below. They destroyed the remaining Risen, each individual meteor taking out hundreds of the zombies, but a few struck Grima, ripping through her coat and leaving many wounds and holes in her body.

Grima collapsed to one knee, gritting her teeth, but her wounds were already beginning to heal.

“Grima can only be killed by his own hand,” Naga growled, flapping her wings in frustration. “We cannot finish him off.”

 

Grima brushed herself off, scrutinizing her ruined coat. “There will soon come the day when I will be powerful enough to destroy every single one of you! But...for now…if you don’t mind?”

An insectoid creature leaped from Grima’s sleeve, flying towards Arceus, who looked on in shock. It would have jabbed it’s stinger into his head if Palutena hadn’t teleported in the way and smacked it aside with her staff.

Palutena gave the arachnid a grim look as it scrambled to its feet. “That’s the Chaos Kin. It must have been revived.”

“I’ve grown rather fond of this little beast,” Grima crooned as the Chaos Kin flew back to her side, perching on her shoulder. “I admire its power and affinity for chaos. It reminds me of me.”

“Stop stalling, Fell Dragon!” Palutena commanded, abandoning her ordinary easy grin for the powerful glare of a goddess. “Tell us why you’re really here!”

“Fine, if you want to spoil the surprise so soon,” Grima said, unperturbed. “Take an eyeful of my new form. Feel free to scream.”

On cue, a roar shook the Palace of the gods. Palutena went pale, exchanging a glance with Eldstar. Grima laughed as a claw ripped through a Palace wall like a ribbon. Looking outside, the gods saw a black dragon that dwarfed even Arceus with it’s size. The rest of its features were indescribable; even the gods could not comprehend its full being.

“The Dark Dragon,” Grima said, confirming the looks of horror on the gods faces. “Capable of destroying and recreating the universe itself. Newly awoken and under my thumb.”

“How could you get such a superpower like that under your possession?” Viridi said in surprise. “It’s impossible!”

“You’d be surprised at the true potential of my dark magic and the Chaos Kin’s possessive abilities,” Grima gloated. “Though I’ll admit it did take a while. Ciao!”

The Chaos kin teleported away, bringing Grima’s avatar with it as the Dark Dragon launched a dark beam at the gods with enough force to destroy a planet, straight for the Palace of the Gods. Still, the gods themselves were quick enough to avoid it, escaping the Palace just as the blast hit it.

The Palace of the Gods was durable, even more durable than a planet, but when the smoke cleared it was clear that almost half of it was in ruins. The gods stared in horror as the Dark Dragon turned to them.

“We can’t let him finish off the Palace!” Palutena shouted, sweat beading her forehead. “It’s our only contact with Pangea! The mortals below will truly be forced to fend for themselves if we don’t stop that dragon!”

Hylia hesitated from where she sat on Naga’s back, staring at the ruined castle and the deadly power of the dark dragon. Taking a deep breath, she nudged Viridi.

“Destroy the remainder of the Palace with a Reset Bomb. That blast wiped out any magical defenses holding it up, so it won’t be hard.”

“What!?” Viridi asked, looking at the goddess like she lost her marbles. “Why would I do that? We’ll be stuck here!”

“And so will the Dark Dragon,” Naga countered, catching onto Hylia’s plan. “We have heroes on Pangea, and slight chance though it may be, the chance does exist that they can defeat Balance, Tabuu, or whatever he calls himself now! Against the Dark Dragon they stand no chance, and if he can use the Palace to cross over to Pangea….”

“You’ll lose your physical forms!” Viridi protested. “And that leaves us stuck in here with that guy’s bad breath. Can’t we escape and trap the dragon?”

“I understand now,” Arceus said, sighing. “Our roles are clear. Only we can fight the Dark Dragon, and we must do it by working together. It is up to us to hold it off while the heroes of the worlds face Tabuu. If we don’t keep the dragon occupied it will find a way through the barrier that keeps us away from Pangea. We’ll just have to hold him off until the world is saved.”

“Fine!” Viridi snapped. “If you guys are going to be so stubborn about it, you can HAVE your stupid sacrifice!”

A reset bomb streaked through the sky, heading straight for the Palace. The Dragon ignored it, flying towards the gods with it’s maw outstretched. The Star Spirits spun together, creating a massive orb of energy comparable in power to the beam that the Dark Dragon had used,, launching it at the behemoth flying at them. It failed to cause visible damage against the monster’s hide, but it did stop its attack, giving Hades and Palutena enough time to lead an assault while Arceus launched another Judgement attack.

“We’ll lose our physical bodies,” Hylia said to Naga as the reset bomb steadily approached the Palace. “You know what comes next for us, right?”

“Indeed,” Naga said, a wistful smile on her draconic face. “It has been so long since I’ve spoken to my daughter. It will be nice.”

“And I’ll finally get to meet my reincarnation,” Hylia said as she held her hands together. The two goddesses channeled their power, giving their final gift to the mortals as the Reset Bomb finally landed, obliterating the remainder of the Palace and severing the connection between god and man for good.


	2. Enter Mii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, this is where things get weird.
> 
> So not only will this story be a self insert, but the scenes revolving said self insert will be in first person. This means that chapters will switch between third and first person depending on the POV.
> 
> This may be a mistake, I'll admit it, but I've seen it done well in writing before and I wanted to give it a shot. I'm not a first person writer at all, so in a way this is an experiment for me. If I fail miserably at this, I'll probably end up rewriting the whole thing in third person format. Hopefully this works out though.
> 
> Anyway, hopefully you guys find the SI charming and not obnoxious! Enjoy!

Dreams can be pretty strange and fantastic, but you never really realize that fact while you’re dreaming. It’s always the morning after when it hits you how odd your subconscious was being. Maybe that's why when I saw the floating hand in my room, I didn't think I was dreaming. Something like that felt too surreal and I felt too aware of myself and my surroundings.

It was an ordinary friday night, and I was absorbed into the video game I was playing: Xenoblade Chronicles. It was my first time playing through the game, and I had been hooked ever since I started. In retrospect, it was kind of embarrassing that it took me so long to figure out that something wasn’t right.

Someone suddenly cleared their throat, and my eyes jumped up from my 3DS to greet the faint white light that shone above me. Looking up, I was face to face with a floating, glowing, gloved hand that was about the size of my head.

“There we are,” the hand said (Somehow? He didn’t have a mouth), a note of amusement in his tone. “I didn’t want to be rude, but I fear I don’t have the time wait for you to take a bathroom break. You were really sucked into that game of yours.”

Naturally, I reacted like any rational person would and leaped back like the bed had caught fire with an unflattering shriek.

“Oh, enough of that,” the hand said, annoyed. “We need to skip the shock of your wildest imaginations coming true and get to the point of why I’ve come here.”

“Okay….” I said, taking a deep breath. I’d always prided on myself at having a level head, so I’d need to live up to that reputation. “But, you like, really shouldn’t exist.”

“Yes, yes, in this world my land is only known in the stories of the video games you love to play so much,” the hand explained. “Honestly you should be ecstatic. This is the chance of a lifetime!”

“I’m sorry, but what is a chance?” I asked, still unsure of how to react. “I’m a page or two behind you, so can you get me up to speed before I have a heart attack?”

“Blame your poor cholesterol, not me,” the hand snapped. 

“Wait how do you-” A loud crashing noise interrupted my response, and I jumped again.

“Please tell me that was the dog,” I muttered, closing my eyes.

“No, no, that would be my brother,” the hand explained with a sigh. “Crazy! Stop destroying our host’s furniture and come up here! He’s taking it worse than we hoped!”

“Fine, fine!” came a newer, higher pitched voice. Another hand floated up the stairs and into my room, floating next to his brother. My reptilian brain finally started functioning properly and I came to a realization.  
“Hey wait, you two...you’re Master Hand and Crazy Hand, right?” I asked. I was probably on something, but it was at least a little bit comforting knowing what exactly the hallucinations were supposed to be.

“Hey, you catch on quick!” the left hand said. “This one may not even be emotionally scarred yet.”

“What do you mean yet?” I asked. Normally I’m awkward when I meet new people, but I guess fear and confusion was overriding my social anxieties. 

“Stop trying to scare him,” the right hand reprimanded. His tone became softer when he addressed me again. “I’m sure this is a very shocking experience for you. Our apologies.”

“It’s...fine I guess,” I lied, trying to slow down my beating heart. “I think I just need a minute.”

“We’ve actually come for your help,” Master Hand said with a regretful sigh. “Forgive our sorry appearances, but these forms are all that we can maintain now..”

“Yeah, Tabuu got us good!” Crazy Hand cackled. 

“Subspace Emissary Tabuu?” I asked in surprise. “Blue, see-through guy?”

“Ah, perfect, you know of him,” Master Hand said. “That makes this much easier.”

“Can we please stop beating around the bush?” I grumbled. “If I’m going crazy I’d rather check into the rubber room early.”

“Certainly,” Master Hand said. “We don’t have much time, so I’ll give you the abridged version.”

“You’re the chosen hero! Sent across dimensions to combat Tabuu single handedly!” Crazy Hand said with a laugh. “We just need to get you some spandex and you’ll be ready to go!”

“Stop scaring him,” Master Hand repeated. “Trust me, you’re far from a chosen hero.”

“Gee thanks,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I prefered his version.”

“Oh get over yourself,” Master Hand said. “Now how to explain it to a mortal...hmm...well, think of a shop that sells those quaint little round objects with little houses. The ones you shake to make snow fall down. What are those called again?”

“Snow globes?” I asked.

“Precisely,” Master Hand said. “Think of my reign as a collection of snow globes, each with a different world from one of those silly video games you like to play.”

“Are these just Nintendo games?” I asked, shock beginning to change to intense curiosity. “And what does that make….the dimension we’re in now?”

“They were developed by the great titans of legend led by Shigeru Miyamoto, if that’s what you mean,” Master Hand said. “I believe they are the developers of said video games in your world?”

“So, Japanese video game designers are omnipotent?” I asked, mystified.

“Of course, was that fact not obvious?” Master Hand asked, surprised that I had not come to the conclusion myself. “Your world is just another dimension, though it does branch out a bit further than most. One of the oddballs, if I do say so myself.”

I thought about that. If you looked at it from another perspective, it made sense that the one without any supernatural activity or quirks was the odd one out.

“Anyway, connecting these dimensions is the flow of subspace, but if you know Tabuu you may be aware of that,” Master Hand explained. “Subspace exists to hold the threads of the worlds together to prevent them from colliding or send them flying out of control. Tabuu, on the other hand, has dragged dimensions together. Quite sloppily I might add.”

“Why would he want to do that for?” I asked. “The uh...game I played was vague on his motives.”

“It’s a long story,” Master Hand said with a tired sigh. “For now, just know that Tabuu cannot leave Subspace directly. The only way he could be granted this ability is consuming energy from land and people from each individual dimension, which is why he’s planning on dropping what he’s called ‘Subspace Bombs.’”

“So why not attack each individual dimension directly?” I asked. “Why waste time dragging everything into one place?”

“Because in each dimension exists heroes,” Master Hand explained. “Tabuu can create troops and drop bombs, but without support he won’t be getting very far. He’s planning on combining forces with the villains of each dimension to create a sort of axis of power. With their various armies at his disposal, he’ll be able to conquer lands and make them easy targets for the dropping of the Subspace Bombs.”

“Oh,” I said, still not sure what to think. This seemed like an elaborate fairy tale, but it was happening, so how else was I supposed to react beyond asking more questions? “So um….where do I come in?”

“You come from a world where our dimensions are only seen as stories,” Master Hand repeated. “No other dimension is like this, and you are one with vast knowledge of every single one of them. Not only can you hopefully act as an ambassador to bring the heroes together to rally against the villains, but you have much knowledge about our enemy and even Tabuu himself. Someone like you is a vital secret weapon in the war against Tabuu.”

“Okay,” I said, before hesitating a moment. “But why me specifically? There are others with even more knowledge about this kind of stuff. Heck there’s one even better not even a mile away from here. Why not grab him? What makes me special?”

“Oh, absolutely nothing!” Crazy Hand piped up. “You were just convenient because we crash landed near your house and we don’t have the time to go looking around! Plus you’re the only kid home on a friday night…”

“Blunt but correct,” Master Hand said. “I’m sorry, but you do not have any latent special abilities. We’ve selected you for the reasons stated before.”

“And what if I refuse?” I asked. “This is a pretty big decision to make and if I don’t want to scare my friends and family by being away too long.”

“Well, if you refuse we’ll just have to kill you!” Crazy Hand laughed. I couldn’t tell if he was joking.

“We will not kill him, Brother,” Master Hand said. “Have some tact. We’ll just remove his memory if he refuses.. At the absolute worst he’ll lose most of his brain functionality, but he won’t die. Enough with the melodrama.”

Well, now I didn’t even really have an option, did I?

In truth, this sort of situation was a nerd’s dream come true, and an excellent opportunity to be in my element. I didn’t like change and preferred staying in my safe little bubble, but this was surreal. I already felt my mind swimming with the possibilities; having a drink with the Fire Emblem crew, catching and training Pokemon, riding a Yoshi, piloting an Arwing…

“Alright, screw it,” I said, making the worst decision in my life. “I’m still about sixty percent sure I’m losing it, but I may as well enjoy my mental incompetence, right?”

“Ahaha! I like him!” Crazy Hand said. “I’m glad we picked this one. He gets right to the point.”

“You’re a brave man, er….what’s your name again?” Master Hand asked.

“I thought you said you were omniscient,” I said.

“Don’t back talk, just tell me your name,” Master Hand snapped.

“Er...Jack,” I said. “Or John, technically. Please don’t call me John?”

“No promises!” Crazy Hand giggled.

“Okay, Jack,” Master Hand said. “Now that you have agreed, there’s still a few matters to discuss. We’ll be sending you to the new world Tabuu has created, called Pangea.”

“Okay,” I said. “That makes sense so far.”

“We’ll do our best to guide you, but your initial job will be to gather the heroes of the lands to form an army. That way, you can prevent Subspace Bombs from being dropped and defend against the subspace army’s assaults.”

“Oh, but be careful!” Crazy Hand said. “If you die, you’ll be trapped back in your world with no chance to return. No extra lives for you, so do be cautious.”

I gulped. At least I wouldn’t be dead for good.

“Wait, if I died couldn’t you just get someone else to replace me?”

“No, our time here is very limited. You’re the only one we have the time to send.”

“No pressure though!” Crazy Hand giggled. 

“Too late for that.” I said, sick to my stomach. “I feel like my belly is going to cave in.”

“Well, if that’s settled, we need to discuss equipment,” Master Hand continued, ignoring my gripes. “You can’t exactly enter these worlds as you are now, so you’ll be taking the form of your video game avatar.”

“Wait, you mean like my Mii?” I asked. “But they don’t have fingers! They have balls for hands!”

“We’ll make sure you have fingers,” Master Hand said, waving me off. “Hm...as for fighting abilities…”

“Ooh, do I get a job system?” I asked in excitement. “Can I pick a class and pick up skills? Like an RPG!”

“As if,” Master Hand said. “You’re stuck as you are. Any skills you want to pick up you’ll need to learn for yourself. I can give you a weapon, though.”

“As can I!” Crazy Hand said, practically vibrating with excitement. 

They snapped their hands, and two light guns appeared on the bed in front of me. Even more surprising then the fact that they materialized out of thin air was the fact that I recognized both.  
One was the sleek, silver model of the Super Scope, and the other was the NES Zapper. 

“Here. They are light guns, mere toys in your world. In ours they are truly respectable weapons,” Master Hand said. “Given your...physical appearance, it would be wise to play a support role rather than charging into the front lines, yes?”

“Wow,” I said, not even paying attention to what he was saying. I was too busy admiring my new weapons. “Wait, why would I use the dinky pistol when I have the bazooka that can charge shots and has a scope?”

“What if you lose an arm?” Crazy Hand said. “You won’t be able to shoot the Super Scope with one arm, yeah?”

“I could lose an arm!?” I asked, suddenly feeling very sick. “I think I might be having second thoughts.”

“Nonsense!” Master Hand said. “We already agreed, and my contracts are binding. You’re only allowed to come back if you die or when the job is finished.”

“Okay...then…” I said, trying to steel my nerves.

“Lovely,” Master Hand said, before curling his fingers. A ball of light appeared in the palm of his hand. “Oh, I suppose there’s one more power you’ll be granted. What color is your Mii’s outfit?”

“I uh….light blue, I think,” I said, reciting my favorite color. 

“Then you get ice powers!” Crazy Hand said. “Isn’t that fun?”

“Though that color on you isn’t exactly fashionable,” Master Hand said with distaste, turning the ball of light on me.

“Wait!” I said, realizing with a start that they were preparing my departure. “Shouldn’t I pack some supplies, or food-”

Master Hand ignored me, and my whole world went white.

-

Back when I wore braces, I needed to undergo tooth surgery because of the baby tooth that wouldn’t come out. The kind orthodontists gave me something to put me asleep so I wouldn’t feel any pain. It wasn’t exactly sleeping though; I had thoughts swimming around in my head, even if I wasn’t fully conscious. When I “woke up”, it was more a realization that I was in that state then a sudden jolt of reality. Waking up in the fields of the Mushroom Kingdom was similar.

“You up, yet?” came a voice I didn’t recognize. “We haven’t exactly playtested this yet so you very well may be dying.”

“Don’t tell him that!” came another, more stern voice. “Take as long as you need, Jack.”

At least my surroundings were nice. When I took my first look around my new world I was surprised by how green it was. It was winter over in New York, and it felt like I hadn’t seen spring in years.

It wasn’t just the color though. The world around me was cutesy, from the dancing flowers to the smiling clouds in the sky. Even the sun seemed-well maybe not the sun. That smile looked far more...creepy. The ambience of everything else was so joyful that I couldn’t help but feel impacted. I jumped to my feet, which FYI I don’t recommend when you wake up from a space coma.

Nausea overwhelmed me, and I stumbled through the glass and leaned against a tree, taking a few deep breaths. I glanced at my hands and let out a little gasp; they were my Mii’s alright.

“Well, it seems like it worked out alright,” the voice I now recognized as Master Hand said, a note of pride in his tone. “Succeeded in our first attempt.”

“So let me get this straight,” I said; a little distracted because I was busy feeling up my entire body, which was alien to my new hands. “You sent me through Subspace knowing full well that I might not have made it? That seems a little-oh my god my face is so freaking smooth!”

“Worth it?” Master Hand asked with a chuckle.

“Hell yeah!” I said. Any flaws or marks in my body were gone, and the extra weight I’d been trying to lose was completely gone. “I feel like I could run three or four miles!”

“I wouldn’t try it,” Master Hand said. “As I’ve explained, you’re athletic ability translates to this dimension as well. Your physical appearance may be improved, but even I can’t fix what’s inside.”

“He’s saying you’re a fatass, even if you don’t look like one anymore,” Crazy Hand piped in with a giggle.

“Yeah, I caught his meaning,” I deadpanned. “And-hey! I was not that fat before! I went to the gym at least once a week!”

“Your weight aside, we made it,” Master Hand snapped. “Any guess where we are?”

I grinned as I looked around. “Are you kidding? This is the Mushroom Kingdom! I’d recognize it anywhere. Though, I’m not sure why we started out here.”

“I thought it was an appropriate start,” Master Hand said. “The Mushroom world serves as the basis of Pangea, as it’s already made up of many biomes that correlate with many of the other dimensions. We’re not far from Toad Town, which borders on Peach’s Castle.”

“In other words, we’re smack dab in the middle of Pangea,” Crazy Hand added. “Luckily, we got here before Tabuu could make much progress dropping Subspace Bombs. Those chuckleheads still have no idea that their precious planet is getting entire dimensions dropped on them.”

“So, how exactly do I start?” I asked, picking up the Super Scope in one hand. “I’m pretty new at this hero thing.”

“Consider us your guides,” Master Hand said, floating over to one of my shoulders. “As of now our best shot is reaching Peach’s Castle to warn them of the threat. Recruit the local heroes and start making an attack plan. We have to start somewhere.”

“Oh, but try not to talk to us in crowded areas!” Crazy Hand piped up. “You’re the only one who can see us, so they’ll probably think you’re a lunatic if you start flapping your mouth.”

“Oh, so it’s one of those clichés. Lovely,” I said. “Except I have a terrible sense of direction. How do I get to Toad Town?”

“Well, look beyond that hill,” Master Hand said.

I peered over and stared in awe at the Mushroom houses below me, Peach’s Castle a little further away. It hit me once and for all that this was real, not me being crazy, or if I was it probably didn’t matter anyway because of how deep I was.

“Remember Jack, that world is at risk,” Master Hand said. “It is up to you to save it.”

I should have stared down like a shonen protagonist, hair blowing in the wind while saying something inspiring, or even just saying nothing and posing dramatically. 

Instead, I ran back to the tree, keeled over, and puked, much to the disgust of one hand and the amusement of the other.

What can I say? I’m not good with stressful stuff.

-

“You are quite possibly the worst hero I’ve ever laid my eyes on,” Master Hand said. “We’re doomed.”

“Nah man, I got this!” I said. I always felt better after throwing up. Like all the stress and negative juju leaving the body left me born anew. “Besides, I just need to grow into my hero role. It’s a whole monomythic cycle.”

“Just follow what I tell you to do word for word,” Master Hand said. “There are no extra lives. If you die it’s game over, so one tiny slipup…”

“If you don’t mind me asking, what exactly happened to you two?” I asked. “Aren’t you supposed to be...y’know, a lot bigger?”

“Oh, we’re dead,” Master Hand said with a chuckle. “Tabuu murdered us in cold blood and left only a sliver of power behind; just enough to find and outfit you for your journey. That’s why we could only get one hero. Consider us more of an echo or memory than living people.”

“Did he kill you with that butterfly thing?” I asked. “That was his deadliest attack in the game he was in.”

“His Off Waves attack, yes,” Master Hand said. “And countering it is on you, because we have no idea how to.”

“Well, obviously, because if not you’d still be alive,” I said, flinching at the thought of trying to face Tabuu. Apparently I’d have to, not that I could hope to stand a chance.

“Fair enough,” Master Hand said. “Being alive wasn’t so great to begin with anyway. Too much paperwork. We’re here.”

“We are? Whoa!” I said, looking around at the entrance of Toad Town.

“You forgot where we were going, didn’t you…” Master Hand said.

“O-of course not,” I said, laughing nervously. “I just get distracted easily.”

“I’m regretting my course of action more and more by the minute,” Master Hand said with a groan. “We could have gotten David Hasselhoff, but noooo. Maybe we should’ve taken your advice and found that other-”

“Are you kidding, Master? This kid’s great! Look at how fearlessly he’s walking into this new city! Buy us and some souvenirs, and get some for yourself, will ya?” Crazy Hand cheered.

Fearless wasn’t the word I’d use to describe my initial feelings as I entered the city, but it was beginning to look more accurate as I looked around. I had been a little worried that I’d stick out like a sore thumb, being a Mii in bright and tacky clothes with a gun strapped to my back and another on my belt, but it was a foolish thought. Species of all different races were chatting to one another as they went about their day in Toad Town, including toads, yoshis, piantas, and even some species I’d commonly associated with the villains of the series, like shy guys and koopas. Nobody gave me a second glance.

“A goomba owning his own restaurant,” I whispered. “They’ve gotten Affirmative Action laws all figured out.”

“You are not funny,” Master Hand muttered. “Stop trying to be funny.”

“I kind of want to stay here for a while, get to know the people,” I said.

“You are on a mission!” Master Hand hissed. “If you don’t hurry, everyone here will be sucked into Subspace. You’ll have all the time in the universe to get to know them then!”

“Fair enough,” I gulped. “I’ll head for the castle…. Right after I grab a bite to eat from that goomba’s place. I’m starving and I want to see how goombas cook!”

“Jack, no! We don’t have the time-and you’re already on your way.”

-

After a satisfying meal and a few remarks about goombas that were probably racist in hindsight, I spent most of my trip to the castle taking in my surroundings, doing my best to drink everything in. The environment was even more bright and colorful then it had been on the hillside, which I couldn’t say about any residential area from my world. Knowing Mario games though, it wouldn’t be long before Bowser attacked and started wrecking the place. 

When I got to the drawbridge, it hadn’t been lifted. I could hear music coming from the castle, and my heart sank. 

That wasn’t the normal Peach’s Castle music.

“Oh no,” I whispered.

“What’s wrong?” Crazy Hand asked. “It sounds like a party’s going on in there. I love parties!”

“Because whenever there’s a party, Peach gets kidnapped by Bowser,” I said, slapping myself in the face. “Literally every time.”

“All the more reason to hurry,” Master Hand said. “Move!!”

Getting into the castle was so easy I wasn’t surprised at how often Bowser broke in. The closest thing to a challenge was two toads guarding the front doors with spears in hands, but they simply smiled and let me in when I said I was there to speak with the Princess despite having two guns visibly on my person. 

Excellent security system.

Still though, any complaints I had were gone the second I saw the inside of the castle, which was both massive and gorgeous. The party guests were just as diverse as last time, but this time I recognized quite a few faces from the games I played. There was Toadbert, the blue toad cleaning his glasses in the corner, Professor Elvin Gadd, who had F.L.U.D.D. strapped to his back, and...was that Geno?

“Oh!” came a voice that shook me out of my daze. I turned and stared as a toad stepped down the stairs and came to greet me. His mushroom cap was brown, he walked with a cane, and he looked older then any toad I’d seen thus far. I recognized him as Toadsworth, Peach’s retainer and caretaker since she was a baby. 

He gave me an odd look when he saw me. “Good morning, young sir. Are you a friend of the princess? I don’t believe I’ve ever met you before.”

“No, I’ve never-”

“Yes, I’m a close friend!” Master Hand hissed into my ear, prompting me to stop immediately. “I’ve saved her from Bowser before.”

“I-I’m a friend of hers,” I lied. “We, uh...I saved her once from Bowser.”

“Well, that checks out,” Toadsworth said with a grim chuckle. “The princess took a break with Master Mario to the balcony. I believe they were planning to ride a hot air balloon to a place they could have a picnic. You’ll catch them if you hurry.”

“Thank you, sir,” I said, taking a deep sigh of relief as Toadsworth tottered off to go deal with a pair of feuding party guests (a Piranha Plant and a Chain Chomp, ain’t that an image?). I used the opportunity to slip up the stairs before Toadsworth changed his mind. I knew how paranoid the old bean could be, though I suppose anyone who worked for someone who was kidnapped as often as Peach would become so.

“Wow, you know your way around the castle,” Crazy Hand said. “I’m impressed.”

“Well, I’ve played a lot of Mario games,” I admitted. “I know this place like the back of my hands.”

I was feeling pretty proud of myself for navigating the world and its castle until I opened the doors that led to the balcony. That was when I realized something that stopped me in my tracks a little too late.

I had no clue how to greet and speak to a princess.

This thought struck me as the princess herself turned at the sound of the door opening. Her confused expression from hearing the door open changed to a sunny one, with a polite smile on her face to greet her visitor. 

How was I supposed to address her? Should I bow or shake her hand? Should I kiss her hand? She was wearing gloves. Should I kiss her gloved hand?

“Hello,” Princess Peach said with a disarming smile that somehow managed to calm my paranoia. “Have we met before?”

“No, you’re just a passerby. After the small talk explain what I told you,” Master Hand whispered in my ear. “Shake her hand; she won’t bite.”

“I’m afraid not, milady,” I said, cringing internally at my awkward formality. “I’m just a visitor passing through. It’s an honor to meet you in person.”

I held out a nervous hand, conscious of how sweaty my palms were getting, but the Princess shook it without hesitation. Now that I could get a good look at her, I felt my face beginning to heat up. She was gorgeous, which I probably should have expected given her design in the games, but even they couldn’t do her real life looks justice. I could understand why Mario was so willing to keep rescuing her. She could probably convince me to run under a Thwomp if she asked kindly enough.

Mario himself walked over, and I was surprised that I just noticed his presence. Despite the plumber’s infamy, he lacked the presence that immediately drew me to Peach, and I suppose that made sense. He was a humble plumber, and while definitely a hero, his modest look and personality was what made him relatable to the player.

I shook his hand, which was much rougher under his glove than Peach’s delicate grip. Despite his humble look, I couldn’t help but fanboy at least a little. This was the Super Mario.

“Nice-a to meet you!!” Mario said in that Charles Martinet way of his. Come to think of it, how would Mario talk? He never had any dialogue in the games he was in. At least, the good games anyway.

“Well, it’s an honor to meet you as well!” Peach said with a giggle. “Tell me, where are you from? What’s your name?”

I was surprised at how kind she was. I’d essentially barged into her home and interrupted her alone time. “I’m uh...Jack. Captain Jack. Captain Jack Sparrow.”

“What the hell are you doing?” Master Hand hissed. 

“Making a persona,” I whispered. “Also don’t blow this for me, I’ve wanted that nickname for years.”

“Oh, you’re a captain!” Peach said, clapping her hands. “Would you happen to be from Rogueport? Mario and I have a very good friend who happens to be an admiral.”

“Oh, yeah!” I said. “Of course I’m-’

“Stop lying! They have sources to corroborate your claims and you’ll be suspicious if they find out that you’re making things up!” Master Hand said.

“-not from Rogueport. I’m uh...from a little island to the east.”

“Oh, what is it called?” Peach asked.

“N-new York,” I said. “Lovely place, you should visit sometime.”

“Why did you offer that!?” Master Hand said.

“Well, you must have come a long way,” Peach said. “Surely you haven’t come here just to meet me.”

“I wish that was the case,” I said, inwardly grinning at how cool and sophisticated I sounded. “I’m afraid I came to warn you two.”

“Hmm?” Mario said, perking up and folding his arms. I forgot he was there, the guy was so quiet.

“Well, I uh...Bowser’s involved with these dangerous group of guys,” I said. “They’re planning to take over the world…?”

Peach and Mario glanced at each other before shrugging.

“Thank you, Captain Jack Sparrow,” Peach said. “As thanks, I’m sure we could help fund your journey back to-”

“Wait, you’re not concerned at all?” I asked, cutting the princess off. Definitely a faux pas to interrupt royalty, but I was amazed at how blasé they were about it. “You’re in serious danger.”

“Trust me, we’re used to it,” Peach said with an exasperated sigh. “In truth we were expecting something like this soon. I’m sure Mario will be able to handle it if worst comes to worst.”

“Wahoo!” Mario said, jumping in the air and throwing a few punches in the air to prove her point.

“Well, there’s more to it than that,” I said, trying to remember what the hands told me. “Uh…”

“You’re blowing this!” Master Hand said. “Use the damn snow globe metaphor if you have to, just don’t let them get complacent.”

“Okay, like….so you know how a snow globe has little tiny houses in it?” I started, but a loud noise interrupted me before I could finish. An explosion rocked a few hundred meters to the left of Toad Town. A fleet of airships floated above the town, shooting at the unsuspecting toads below and riling them into a panic.

“Right on cue,” Peach muttered. “That’s Bowser all right!”

Sure enough, I could recognize the familiar face on the figurehead of each ship. I’d always considered Bowser more of a joke villain than anything else, but seeing his wrath up close was terrifying.

Nothing scared me more than the flagship, a massive battleship that dwarfed the smaller airships around it. The figurehead was a familiar looking mask, and two massive bat wings stuck out on both sides.

“That’s the Halberd,” I muttered under my breath. “Oh no.”

“Wow, impressive in person, huh!” Crazy Hand said.

Peach gasped, cupping her hands to her mouth, while Mario growled and punched an open fist. I gave Mario a sideways glance; he may be our only hope in surviving a situation like this.

A loud, flanged voice shook the air itself. Clearly Bowser had found himself a megaphone.

“PEACH!!! IT’S TIME FOR OUR HONEYMOON! BEFORE THAT THOUGH, IT’S TIME FOR THE ENTERTAINMENT!” 

From the airships, dozens of flying enemies took to the sky and fell towards the castle like rain. Mario didn’t look too bothered, getting into a fighting stance, but I felt a little overwhelmed.  
Six paratroopas led the charge, flying towards us with wicked expressions. I stumbled back, my heart pounding in my chest, but Mario jumped in the air.

Actually, calling it ‘jumping’ doesn’t give what he performed justice.

Mario launched off the ground, getting more air than Haneef Munir on a good day, and stomped down on a koopa, forcing it down into its shell. Flipping, he kicked the shell through the air, bouncing it off two paratroopas before landing on the rail of the balcony. The koopas fell like stones.

The remaining three paratroopas lunged forward, followed by another wave of flying enemies, but Mario hefted a hammer (where did he get it from?) over his shoulder.

“We need to find cover,” I said to Peach, who looked at me in surprise.

“You have a gun, use it!” Master Hand ordered.

“Don’t you have a weapon on you?” Peach asked.

“I’m not a fighter,” I said, grabbing her by the hand and pulling her into the castle. “And let’s face it, Mario will be fine.”

Peach looked back in time to see Mario slam two paragoombas’ heads together. “Fair enough.”

We ran down the great halls, listening to the sounds of the party guests’ panic. Of course, it’s not like we had anywhere to run, but if we could find a place to hide we could wait for Mario to-

My thoughts were interrupted by Toadsworth’s cane smacking me over the head.

“Ow!” I shouted, rubbing a hand through my messy hair.

“Toadsworth….” Peach said with a groan.

“I knew it! I knew you were a no good scoundrel!” Toadsworth said. “Unhand the princess at once or face me in single combat!”

You know, normally I’m intimidated when old people yell at me, but Toadsworth was half my size. I actually had to make an effort not to laugh, despite the situation we were in.

“Toadsworth, are the guests okay?” Peach asked. “Bowser’s only going after me, but he won’t hesitate to attack them if he can’t get the easy meat.”

“Princess, I fear we have a horrid infestation of Bowser’s minions downstairs,” Toadsworth said. “Please go to your room until we’ve sorted them out.”

“There she is!” came a voice, and a trio crossed into a corner; a goomba wearing blue clothing, a paratroopa with a bucket over his head, and a green shy guy wearing a knapsack. I recognized that trio, though I wasn’t so sure of their competence. 

It may have been foolish, but I stepped in front of Peach in a defensive gesture. From what I knew, the Princess’ combat ability was inconsistent across the games she was in, and I couldn’t risk her getting kidnapped. Besides, even if I didn’t know how to fight, these were low level minions, the grunts of Bowser’s army. How hard could this be?

“Okay, I think I recognize you….” I said, wracking my brains. “Which game were you from again?”

“Oh come on! This guy doesn’t know us!?” the goomba shouted. “How could any Mushroom Kingdom resident not know about Bowser’s Elite Trio? We’re the highest ranked minions around!”

“But doesn’t that make you still minions?” I asked.

“New kid has a point,” the shy guy said.

The goomba jumped up in frustration. “Shut up!” he shouted as he tackled the shy guy away.

“Stop fighting, you two!” the paratroopa said, prompting both the other minions back to his side. “If he doesn’t know who we are, we’ll show him! We’ll take him down and capture the princess ourselves! General Guy will reward us handsomely.”

The goomba got hyper and took the lead, jumping a few times. “Private Goomp!”

The paratroopa tightened the bucket on his head, almost completely restricting his vision. “Corporal Paraplonk!”

The shy guy sighed and pulled out his magic wand, waving it around with a complete lack of enthusiasm. “Sergeant Guy.”

“We are Bowser’s Elite Trio of minions!” Corporal Paraplonk said, looking directly at me. “We’ll show you just what Bowser’s minions can do!” 

“Hold on,” I said. “This always kind of confused me. You’re all the same rank?”

“Of course!” Private Goomp said, rolling his eyes. “We’re a trio.”

“But you all have different titles,” I pointed out. “I’m no expert on military ranks, but shouldn’t you guys report to the sergeant?”

The trio all glanced at each other, as if just realizing this conundrum for the first time.

“We lead Bowser’s royal guard,” Paraplonk said, tapping the bucket on his head. “Those aren’t our positions.”

“But you guys just said you were a private, corporal, and a sergeant,” I said. “Those are very different ranks.”

“Dude, those are our names,” Sergeant Guy said. “Y’know, the names we were born with?”

“...what?” I asked. I could hear Peach giggle behind me.

“Yeah, do you want to see my birth certificate?” Private Goomp said, spitting out a card. “See? Private Harry Goomp the third.”

“What, you have a problem with that?” Corporal Paraplonk asked, arching a brow.

“No, I...ugh, this is giving me a headache,” I said, pulling out the NES Zapper. “Let’s get this over with.”

“You’re on!” Private Goomp barked, charging at me. I squeezed my hand on the trigger and opened fire…

...missing entirely. Private Goomp just zigzagged around my shots.

“You cannot be serious,” Master Hand groaned into my ear. “Tell me, can you do anything right?”

“I thought this would be just like Duck Hunt!” I shouted, stumbling back, noticing Peach give me an odd look. Right, I forgot. They couldn’t see Master Hand, so right now I looked like a raving lunatic on top of being a crappy sharpshooter.

“It is just like Duck Hunt!” Master Hand shouted. “What, have you never played it before?”

“Um…” I mumbled, before being saved-er interrupted by Private Goomp headbonking me on the nose. I fell on my back, groaning in pain. If this was any less of a cartoon world my nose would be broken.

“Who hasn’t played Duck Hunt!?” Master Hand roared. I couldn’t really respond, as Private Goomp was repeatedly stomping on my chest.

“Uncle!” I managed to yelp out. “Uncle!”

“Wow, this was a lot easier than I thought it would be,” Sergeant Guy said with a chuckle. 

“Yeah, he even makes us minions look good,” Paraplonk agreed.

Private Goomp hopped off me, backing up a bit and pawing the ground. “Time for the finishing blow!”

I flinched as he charged forward again and jumped in the air. He thrust his head forward in another headbutt, but an opened parasol blocked the blow. Private Goomp fell on his butt, staring in surprise at Princess Peach, who was standing over me protectively.

“Thank you for your efforts on my behalf,” Peach said with a giggle. “You were very brave. Allow me to wrap this up!”

She sprinted towards a conflicted looking Private Goomp.

“Ah, what? I can’t hit the prince-oof!” he winced as Peach kicked him with a high heel shoe. Spinning around, she swung her parasol baseball style and slammed him through a palace window, the poor goomba screaming all the way.

The remainder of the elite trio was as shocked as I was.

“My god,” I whispered as she faced off against Guy and Paraplonk. “What a woman.”

“Well, she is ‘B’ tier,” Crazy Hand said. “That’s a full rank higher than you and those goons.”

“Huh?” I asked. “There’s a tier system in this world?”

“Well, you see, given that my brother and I have little to do in the depths of Subspace, we formed fantasy football teams with the characters of the worlds, judging them by combat ability and such,” Master Hand said. “Tabuu started taking them seriously when he rebelled against us.”

“That sounds like an awesome game,” I whispered. “Can I get in on that?”

“We’d love another player!” Master Hand said. “I’d be glad to teach you the rules.”

“Ha, he’s just saying that because he loses to me every time,” Crazy Hand giggled.

As they returned to bickering back and forth, I focused back on the fight. Peach was bobbing and weaving to dodge magical blasts from Sergeant Guy, looking like she was having the time of her life.

“Alright, enough of this! Shellshocker!” Corporal Paraplonk said, spinning in his shell. Flapping forward, he launched towards Peach like a rocket, but she managed to jump and flip over him. Flicking her finger, she stopped the paratroopa in place midair.

“Gah!” Paraplonk shouted. “What the….”

“That’s just my heart power, sweetie,” Peach said, hovering in the air. “Just hope that the bucket on your head is an adequate helmet!”

She flicked her wrist, and Paraplonk shot towards Sergeant Guy, who sighed in defeat and raised a white flag of surrender. Paraplonk crashed into the shy guy, bowling them both over and leaving them unconcious.

Peach slowly and daintily floated to the ground with all the grace in the world. She turned to me and helped me to my feet. “Well, that was fun!”

“Yeah, remind me not to make you angry,” I said, hissing as I rubbed my bruised stomach.

Peach laughed, but gave me a look of concern. “Please, let me see your wounds. You took quite a beating.”

I blushed a little as she gently touched my face, feeling a cool wave of what must have been healing magic. Whatever it was, it worked like a dream; I could feel the pain float away from my nose.

“Here, lift up your shirt,” Peach said matter of factly. “I’m sure your stomach is very bruised.”

“Do you have an escape route, Princess?” I asked as I pulled up my shirt. I winced as she touched my aching belly. “We’re screwed if they surround us, and those were a lot of airships.”

“Oh, I’m not planning on running away,” Peach said. “Not until I’m sure that my subjects are safe. A Princess lives for her people, after all.” She pulled her hand away, and I looked down at my chest. The bruises were gone, and I felt like I had just woken up from a good night’s sleep.

“Well, it’s not like I can stop you,” I admitted, pulling my shirt down again. “Just please be careful, okay? We can’t have you getting kidnapped now.”

“I’ll be fine,” Peach said, leaving me down the long staircase that took us down to where the party was being held. Much to our lack of surprise, the scene was pure chaos.

A group of Bowser’s minions were making a ruckus, destroying Peach’s fancy furniture and terrorizing the toads that remained. From what it looked like, most of the toads and party guests managed to escape in time, but a few were still screaming, running, or hiding. 

The only person defending them was the man I instantly recognized as Luigi. He lacked the same confidence as Mario,, but he still fought with skill and power exceeding anything like I’d seen a human do from back on Earth. Right now he was kicking down a hammer bro, before moving to dodge the enemy’s brother when he swung a hammer from behind.

It wasn’t a bad plan in hindsight, I thought with a start. The Elite Trio had ordered their troops to cause as much chaos as possible in the most populated area of the castle, which left them free to slip off and capture the princess. Unfortunately for them, Peach was apparently a combat demon.

“Some of my subjects are still in danger,” Peach said. “I’m going to help Luigi. Use the top of the stairs as a vantage point, and do try to aim this time, okay?”

I sighed. “I’ll do my best.”

Flashing me a smile, Princess Peach jumped down a full flight of stairs, stomping down on a poor koopa troopa who had no idea she was coming. When Luigi saw her, they fought side by side, hammer by parasol, looking like they were performing a scripted duet dance of deadliness. 

Meanwhile, I had my own part to play. Pulling my Super Scope over my shoulder. I felt my hands shake a little. I’d played paintball sometimes as a kid, but this was way different.

“You need to get ahold of yourself,” Master Hand said. “Stop thinking so much and just do.”

“I’ve watched the stupid Nike commercials before,” I grumbled, looking through the scope. I figured shooting down the flying opponents would be best, considering Luigi and Peach were   
literally turning the battlefield into a ballroom blitz.

I focused on a paratroopa that was floating near a window, looking like he was preparing to dive bomb Luigi. I had a clear shot, but the damn gun was heavy, and for some reason my hands wouldn’t stop twitching.

“What’s the problem now?” Master Hand hissed. “Take the shot.”

“I-I’m going to…” I snapped, but by now my hands were shaking so bad I probably would have missed even if I managed to squeeze off a shot.

Luckily, I was saved by Mario shattering through said window, taking out the paratroopa with a swift kick to the head and landing in a roll.

“Oh thank god,” I whispered, sighing in relief.

“I really do not care for you at all,” Master Hand grumbled.

The remaining of the Elite Trio’s army went from concerned to terrified. They now not only had to face Peach and Luigi, but the mighty Mario himself.

I had to admire their bravery though. With a weak battlecry, the few goombas, koopas, and shy guys charged towards Mario, who sprinted out to meet them without hesitation.

Before he could engage, however, Peach let out a strangled cry and fell on her side. My head whipped around, staring at the figure in blue robes that had attacked her from behind.

“Kehehehe! Sorry for the shock, Princess, but Bowser wanted you in prime physical condition,” the figure said, waving his wand and creating pillars of fire separating the plumbers from the unconscious princess. “Next time try not to make a scene, and it’ll be completely harmless.”

With an Italian-esque shout of rage, Mario sprinted towards who I assumed to be Kamek, jumping high in the air and bringing down a fist. Kamek gulped and flicked his wrist, creating a barrier around himself that withstood the plumber’s attack.

“Okay, no more stalling,” Master Hand said. “He doesn’t know you’re here; use that to your advantage!”

“On it,” I said, sprinting down the stairs.

“..Not what I meant, but at this point I’m glad that you’re not standing still like a slack jawed idiot,” Master Hand said.

I ignored the sounds of Mario and Luigi’s battle with Kamek, instead approaching Peach’s crumpled form. “Okay, hopefully the brothers don’t mistake me for an enemy and beat the tar out of me.”

“Explain how you plan on walking through fire,” Master Hand said. “By all means.”

“Well, I have ice powers supposedly, right?” I asked. “How do I activate them?”

“How would I know?” Master Hand snapped. “Now stop being a pansy and shoot the wizard-”

I don’t recall what he said next, because I went weightless as Kamek’s blast sent me flying.

I slammed into a castle wall, but I felt gloved hands catch me before I could fall. Luigi had caught me bridal style.

“Are you okay?” the younger plumber asked, looking concerned. I shook my dazed head, blinking to regain my vision.

“Who are you?” Kamek asked. “One of the heroes from another world? Well, you don’t seem to be much of a threat.”

Mario attacked him from behind, swinging his hammer, but a laser blast caught the plumber in the chest, and he let out a yelp of pain, falling back next to Luigi and I.

“I don’t believe so,” the figure who had shot down Mario said. He was a robot dressed in green robes, and I instantly recognized him as the ancient minister from the Subspace Emissary. “I did some research. I don’t remember him showing up in the rankings.”

“Thanks for the save,” Kamek said. “Is the bomb finally ready to be dropped?”

“Of course,” Ancient Minister said with a scoff. “Is the princess ripe for capture?”

Mario punched his fists together, preparing for a fight as Luigi gently put me down. I still felt like I had been hit by a tractor, but I managed to cough out an order.

“Hmm?” Mario asked, glancing behind at me.

“We need to get out of here,” I muttered. “If the bomb he speaks of is what I think it is… That bomb will wipe us all out.”

“So you know a thing or two then, hmm?” Ancient Minister asked. “Here I was thinking you were a nobody with two guns for show. You may be a threat after all.”

“Better finish you off just to make sure,” Kamek said raising his wand and aiming at me.

Mario hesitated, unsure of what to do, but a new hand tapped on his shoulder. We looked around to see a short old man gesturing for us to leave.

“I got the rest of the toads out,” he said in a squeaky voice. “Our new friend is correct; we need to leave as soon as possible!”

“Toadsworth is still up there,” I said, the thought suddenly striking me. “Besides, what about Peach?”

“Forget about our princess, she’s safer than the rest of us,” the old man said with a chuckle. “As for our old friend Toadsworth…”

As if on cue, Toadsworth sprinted downstairs and through the fire, shouting in pain and horror. “Why is the castle on fire!?”

“Should we let them leave?” Kamek asked. “It would be quite convenient if Mario and his brother were to fall.”

“It’s not like we stand a chance even if we wanted to,” Ancient Minister admitted. “Just grab the Princess, drop the bomb, and let’s go. It’s all we needed to accomplish today.”

“Very well,” Kamek said, pulling the unconscious Peach over his broomstick and teleporting with a flick of his wrist.

“Well, good hunting!” Ancient Minister said as he floated out the window that Mario destroyed. “Good on you if you all make it out.”

Mario pushed through the door, followed by Luigi, Toadsworth, and the older man. I hobbled after them, cursing under my breath.

“I don’t get it,” I muttered. “Where’s the bomb? Usually it’s visible.”

“Underneath the castle,” the old man said with a sigh. “It seems that Bowser had it planted here.”

The Subspace Bomb went off before I could respond. 

It was a horrible feeling, probably the worst I’d ever felt in my life. A flash of light, enough to blind me, before a sucking sensation that felt like my very soul was being pulled away from me. I almost gave up, but Mario managed to catch my hand and yank me to safety.

When I look behind me, I saw what I expected. A massive black hole like portal that swallowed up the entire castle.

Mario glared at the portal, his fist tightening in his glove. “Mama mia….”

Luigi looked fearful, his teeth actually chattering at the ghastly sight. He couldn’t muster any words.

What made it worse though, were the citizens of Toad Town behind us. They stared at the bomb’s effect with shock, fear, and sadness. It formed a lump in my throat.

“From what I could gather, you seem to understand what’s going on here,” the old man, who I had determined was Professor Elvin Gadd, said. “I’m afraid you’re a suspicious figure until you explain what exactly is happening.”

I felt my mouth grow dry as I stared at the toads, Mario, Luigi, and even Toadsworth stare at me expectantly. How was I qualified for this? What the hell did I sign up for?

With a deep breath and a tired sigh, I began to explain what little I could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -
> 
> Power Rankings of the chapter:
> 
> Mario: B tier 
> 
> Luigi: B tier
> 
> Peach: B tier
> 
> Kamek: B tier
> 
> Ancient Minister: B tier
> 
> Elite Trio: C tier
> 
> Mii (Jack): C tier (technically)
> 
> Average Minion: D tier
> 
>  
> 
> -
> 
> That's all, folks.
> 
> I'm actually pretty mixed on how I feel about this chapter. One one hand I loved writing it, but on the other I feel like I was a little ham fisted in introducing the SI. Self deprecation may have been taken a bit too far here. I'll need to improve on that.
> 
> Also, a problem surfacing is the issue of silent characters like Mario and Luigi (and many characters down the line.) Giving them dialogue is so awkward, but I can't completely ignore them outside of prose. One of the weakest things about this chapter in my opinion is how I handled those two. I don't know, what do you guys think?
> 
> Overall, I hope you guys enjoyed, and in the meantime leave some feedback if you have the time. It's hella motivating to read reviews and comments about my work.


	3. Space Battle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit delayed, and a bit shorter then usual, but we're here with the next chapter. To give credit where it is due, this chapter was mostly my co writer Premasaur's work. I was involved too, but he was in the spotlight for the most part this chapter.
> 
> Hope you enjoy, guys! Sorry again for the delay!

When Pit was told he had work today, he thought it would be something mundane, like helping Palutena cook, or delivering coffee, or taking out the vegetables that Palutena would inevitably reanimate on accident while she was trying to cook. He wasn’t ready for space warfare.

“Whoa, whoa!” Pit shouted, narrowly avoiding a blast of energy. “I thought space was supposed to be big and empty and cold. This is a heated battle!”

“Oh, come on Pit, haven’t you been bored?” Palutena said with a light laugh. “It’s been a few years now since we’ve beaten Hades. I don’t want my angel to get too rusty!”

“N-no way, lady Palutena!” Pit shouted. “I’m as prepared as ever. Just um...what am I supposed to be doing?”

A mothership almost as large as Arlon’s comet observatory was firing upon a fleet, destroying ships and sending them spinning away. The darkness of space was lit up with explosions, but a trio of starships launched in their defense, the pilots skilled enough to avoid the repeated blasts of energy sent their way.

“A little overwhelming, no?” Palutena asked. “It’s a long story, but right now the Federation Fleet is engaging an organized army of Space Pirates, led by their nefarious and cunning commander, Ridley.”

“Federation Fleet? Ridley? I’ve never heard of those!” Pit cried as he watched the battle from a distance. 

“They’re not the only ones in this fight, either,” Palutena said to Pit’s dismay. “There are a lot of new forces here that even I don’t know too much about. Bowser’s airship armada is on the enemy side as well, and I’m seeing the mercenary band Star Wolf fighting with them, too.”

“Do you have any good news for me then?” Pit asked as he dodged a stray laser from one of the opposing Space Pirates.

“As a matter of fact, I do. It would appear that we have some fighters with a common enemy. All we need to do is get into contact with-... Pit, watch out!”

“Wah!” 

Palutena shoved Pit’s flight path far to the left to dodge a massive laser from the Federation Fleet’s lead ship. 

“What was that all about?!”

“This isn’t good. The Federation Fleet thinks you are on enemy’s side. Here comes another blast!” 

“Whoa!” 

This time Pit dodged on his own accord, twirling to the right to dodge a shot from another ship. “Can’t you do something about this?”

“Hold on. I may be able to put you into contact with the head of the Federation Fleet. … All right! Be sure to sound formal, Pit! You’re representing Skyworld as a universal diplomat!”

Pit gulped. “I never learned diplomacy…that was never an elective at angel’s university.”

Palutena laughed. “You’ll be fine. If anything happens, I can intervene. You’re on!”

Pit cleared his throat. “Attention commander of the Federation Fleet! This is Pit of the...of the Skyworld Centurions! Do you copy?”

“I copy you, Pit. But this is no Federation Fleet!” An old sounding voice responded. “This is Peppy Hare of Star Fox!”

“Star Fox?” Pit asked.

“Oops. I guess I patched you through to the wrong person,” Palutena said. “Let me just-”

“N-No! Lady Palutena, let me keep talking to him!” Pit pleaded. “Peppy, is Star Fox present in this giant space dog fight going on right now?”

“You betcha’!” Peppy said with enthusiasm. “Our best pilots are out there right now, tracking down Star Wolf and the rest of the other baddies! You wouldn’t happen to know any of them, would ya?”

“I’m afraid not, Peppy,” Pit responded. He drew his bow. He was nearing the main skirmish. The Federation Fleet had stopped firing on him and resumed to attacking the Space Pirates. “I’m just in the dark as you are. All I know is what Lady Palutena tells me.”

“Paluhoohah?”

“Oh! Right!” Pit, slapped himself in the face, realizing he forgot to introduce Palutena. “She’s-She’s my commander! The Goddess of Light! Do you think we could team up for this fight? I don’t want to get my wings toasted off, please.”

Peppy nodded. “Of course! I’ll let the squad know right now! Fox! Falco! Skippy! Do you copy?”

“Loud and clear, Peppy.”

“What’s up?”

“Yes sir!”

“You’ve got a new ally helping you out!” Peppy told them. “Seems that white winged fellow I told you about is on our side! Says he’s working for the Goddess of Light!”

“Goddess of Light?” Falco responded; he was completely confused. “You mean to tell me that pipsqueak is some religious crusader or something?”

“Hey! I’ll have you know that following Lady Palutena leads to learning a lot of stuff.” 

Falco nearly jumped in his seat at the sound of Pit’s voice in his head. “What in the-”

“Stay focused, Falco!” Slippy shouted over his headset. “Just look around us! There’s a lot going on here that we don’t understand. Lady Palutena, whoever you are, thank you for sending one of your soldiers out to fight for us!”

“It’s my pleasure,” Palutena told Slippy with a warm smile. “Now, I’m going to see if I can get all of us—Star Fox included—in touch with the Federation Fleet commander. For real this time. Ready?”

Pit tightened his grip on his bow. “Ready! Attention, Federation Fleet commander! This is Pit, of the Skyworld Centurions!”

“And this is Peppy Hare of Star Fox!” Peppy added. “Do you copy?”

This time, the kind of voice Pit had expected was the one everyone heard. “Pit and Peppy Hare, this is Admiral Castor Dane of the Galactic Federation Marines.”

“Woohoo! All right!” Pit threw his arms up in the air in glee, only to be sent spiraling away from the center of combat by Palutena. He forgot he was in the warzone. 

“State your business,” Dane said. “And please, someone explain to me how we’re talking without the use of my fleet’s communication systems.”

“Mr. Dane,” Peppy started, “The two of us would like to propose a truce, and work together to defeat what appears to be a common enemy ahead of us. We here at Star Fox are not sure who exactly most of our foes are, but we know some of the ruffians in that group and it’s not hard for us to tell who’s our enemy.”

“The Skyworld Centurions don’t know much either, but thanks to Lady Palutena’s great power, we’re not only talking but we can see the whole battlefield!”

“Lady Palutena you say,” Dane mumbled. “I can’t say I know who that is, but a lot has happened lately that we simply don’t understand. These new enemies have appeared out of nowhere, and their power combined threatens the peace of the universe. To be frank, we’ll need all the help we can get. Pit. Peppy. I hope you prove yourself valuable allies on the battlefield.”

“You got it!” Pit said, drawing his bow once again.

“Yes sir!” Peppy responded. “Fox! Falco! Slippy! Did you catch all that?”

“We sure did,” Fox said for the rest of the team. “We could use the help, too. I think we found their commander.”

“You mean Ridley?” Pit asked. 

“Is that this purple abomination’s name?” Falco scoffed. “He’s got some fight in him, that’s for sure. How about you come on down and see for yourself, angel boy?”

“If it’s Ridley you’ve found, I’ll send in one of my ex-marines to help you out,” Dane said. “No one better for taking out Ridley than this woman.”

Pit cheered as Palutena skillfully flew him around lasers spaceships, and Space Pirates. “Awesome!”

As the airwings shot through space, blasting the enemy ships and spinning out of range of their return fire, Pit began shooting arrows at Bowser’s airships, taking out a row of koopas before they could run for the cannons. Their distraction allowed the federation fleet to focus on the mothership, doing significant damage to its shields before a massive, purple, draconic creature took to the sky, letting out a roar that somehow could be heard in the vacuum of space.

“G-gah! Kill it with fire!” Slippy shrieked, opening fire on the eldritch abomination.

“That’s what we’ve been doing! Keep up the assault!” Falco shouted back.

“That’s him, Pit!” Palutena shouted. “Ridley, commander of these space pirates!”

Ridley let loose a barrage of fire at the trio of arwings, who were quick enough to split into different directions, before lunging at Pit, slapping the angel with his tail.

“Ow!” Pit shrieked, spinning through space and crashing into the Great Fox. “Sorry Peppy!”

“Don’t worry about it, kid,” Peppy growled. “We’d better raise the shields.”

“Alright, round two!” Pit shouted, flying up towards Ridley, but the dragon merely headbutt him into one of Bowser’s airships. “Ow, no fair!”

Pit groaned, stumbling to his feet. A hammer bro looked at him in surprise, but before he could level his weapon, Pit kicked him overboard. “Alright, time to take flight again!”

His glowing wings flickered, before dissipating. “H-huh. Lady Palutena?”

“S-sorry Pit,” Palutena said on the other end. “I forgot to mention that there’s a situation up in Skyworld. In fact, I can’t even beam you up there if things get dicey.”

“You're telling me this now?! In the middle of all this space combat?!” Pit cried. “You’ll still be here to guide me through this, right?”

“I’m sorry Pit, but I’ve been away from the fight too long already,” Palutena said, her voice breaking up. “I know you can do this, my trusted angel. Viridi’s sending help, but for now just hang in there!”

“W-wait, but…” Before he could finish, her image and voice cut away. “Uh-oh.”

A few minions rushed at Pit, and he split his bow into blades before charging out to meet them. Meanwhile, Star Fox fought Ridley, flying around him and aiming for his wings.

“Geez! How is something this big and stupid so fast?” Falco snarled as he felt his arwing rumble from a direct hit from a burst of Ridley’s fire.

“Surround him, team!” Fox shouted, jerking his ship around. “Don’t give him space to-graaggh!”

He went weightless in his arwing, recognizing the telltale signs of his ship taking rear damage. “I’m hit!”

His arwing flew off course, spinning towards a planet below. Falco and Slippy both shouted in shock.

“Haha, after all these years, I got him!” Wolf howled in glee from his red arwing. “Playtime’s over, Star Fox!!”

“Allow me to introduce myself: I’m Panther,” came another voice, this one as smooth as silk, a contrast to Wolf’s canine growl. “All who see my rose meet death!”

“Why do you always introduce yourself every time you enter a fight?” a third voice snapped. “We all know who you are, Panther!”

“Star Wolf!?” Falco snapped. “You’re involved in this too?”

“I’ve been telling you that from the start, Falco!” Peppy shouted back to his team. “You all stay focused on the fight. I’ll go after Fox,” Peppy announced as the Great Fox began to veer towards the planet below.

“In case you haven’t noticed, we’re low on manpower!” Slippy shouted. “We could use some reinforcements!”

“Then, I guess it’s time to provide some,” came a voice that boomed into their heads the same way Pit did.

As fast as lightning, two explosions appeared on the body of the Space Pirate mothership, and a chariot lead by flying unicorns was revealed, two figures at the reins. One was a girl with short blond hair and a crop top, and the other an angel almost identical to Pit.

Giggling, the girl snapped her fingers, and lightning danced from her fingertips and at Ridley. who flew up to avoid it. “Now, Pittoo!”

“I thought I told you people to stop calling me that!” The dark angel snapped, flipping off the chariot and delivering a fierce kick to the side of Ridley’s head, sending them both into the same airship Pit had landed on.

“Whoaa!” Pit shouted, losing balance, but the impact was kinder to him than the minions he was fighting. Goombas, koopas, and bob-ombs yelped as they flew overboard. Ridley roared from where he had landed, the front of the airship. With a snarl he snapped the flag like a twig, rising to his feet and bellowing.

“Whoa, Dark Pit!?” Pit asked as his counterpart cartwheeled next to him. “You came to help?”

“Well, unfortunately for me, I don’t really have a choice, do I?” Dark Pit said, leveling his staff at Ridley. “If you die, I die. Two sides of the same coin and all that junk. Plus, Viridi told us to come.”

“Hi again, Pit!” Viridi said in a sing song voice. “Aren’t I the nicest goddess in the world? I even brought presents!”

“Oh man, now the whole cast is here,” Pit moaned. “All we need is Hades and it’ll be ‘Pick on Pit day, Volume 2’.”

“Actually, I’ve been here the whole time, Pitty Pat,” Hades said with a chuckle. “I didn’t want to spoil the moment.”

“H-hades!” Pit shouted. “Not you, too!”

“Wow, Palutena really didn’t explain anything at all, did she?” Viridi said with a sigh. “Isn’t giving tutorials like, her only job?”

“Yes, well guess what, Pit?” Hades said with a cackle. “I’m a good guy, now!”

“I think I need a minute,” Pit said with a sigh.

“And I think we ALL need to focus on the giant dragon that’s about to kill us!” Dark Pit snapped.

“Oh yes, have fun with that,” Hades said, his voice growing faint. “Ta-ta!”

“Just don’t die please,” Viridi’s voice, fading as well, said with a sigh. “I, for one, want a sequel game!”

Ridley, growing impatient, let out another roar and lunged forward, shooting a ball of fire that set the boat ablaze when Pit rolled out of the way. Dark Pit and Pit nodded to each other, their minds working in the same wavelength.

Dark Pit jumped back to the stern of the airship and took aim at Ridley with his staff while Pit distracted the large, unfamiliar beast. Pit had no idea what to expect of Ridley, but same applied to the angry Space Pirate commander when he faced down the two angels aboard the ship with him. How would he handle these new challengers?

Probably the same as he always did. Brute force. 

The purple dragon swung his long tail at Pit, who darted around as fast as he could, dodging strikes and aiming jabs with his twin blades, aiming for chinks in the thick skin. Dark Pit launched fully powered blasts from his staff, but when the first managed a heavy blow on one of Ridley’s wings, the dragon was smart enough to take to the sky to avoid future damage.

“Phosphora, he’s all yours!” Dark Pit shouted, triumphant. Ridley was struck by a lightning bolt that sent him reeling. The blond girl aboard the lightning chariot flew at him but was forced to roll in the air to avoid a massive stream of fire sent her way in a counterattack.

“What do we do?” Pit asked, watching as Phosphora was pushed back by Ridley’s fury. “He’s way stronger than most of the monsters we’ve fought before!”

“Shush for a moment,” Dark Pit snapped, focusing on aiming a crippling blow on the beast while he was distracted by the commander of the forces of nature. Pit looked on in horror as Ridley’s deadly claws slashed through the reigns tying the unicorns Phos and Lux to the chariot. They cried, flying in opposite directions as Phosphora flipped out of the useless vehicle.

“Ah jeez,” Phosphora mumbled, flying back and shooting close ranged lightning bolts, but with a quick swipe Ridley knocked her away with his tail, sending her spinning across the cosmos. He wheeled on Pit and Dark Pit, only to let out a cry of pain an outrage as his face was was rocked by an explosion sent from Dark Pit’s staff.

Ridley shot forward towards the ship, fire forming in his mouth as Pit sprinted out to meet him, muttering about how much easier it would be if he had the power of flight. The angel jumped over Ridley’s swinging tail, his twin blades clashing in a shower of sparks against Ridley’s claws.

Dark Pit prepared to open fire again, but Ridley looked up and seemed to grin at the angel, another fireball in his mouth. Pit could do nothing about it, using all his strength just to keep the dragon’s massive strength off him. Dark Pit stumbled back, cursing under his breath when he realized he had nowhere to go.

Ridley launched the fire ball, and Dark Pit stumbled back again to dodge, desperately aiming a shot of his own to counter…

Before finding that someone else had countered for him. 

Ridley screeched in pain and reeled back after a large blast of energy hit him directly in the mouth. It allowed Pit out from beneath his claws and let Dark Pit regain his balance. 

“Overpowering him won’t work,” a new voice rang in everyone’s head. 

A large, orange spaceship flew in around the deck where Pit and Dark Pit were fighting Ridley. Atop the ship was a person in a suit that matched the ship’s color and appearance. 

“You need to aim inside his mouth and avoid his tail. Stay on the move and don’t let him trap you.”

The new fighter aimed her arm cannon at Ridley, who looked at them and roared in anger. 

“I’m just as surprised as you are,” she responded, tightening her stance.

Viridi gasped. “Samus Aran!”

“Who?” Pit asked, looking upon Samus as her arm cannon trailed Ridley.

“There will be time for introductions later,” Dane said before Viridi could answer Pit’s question.  
“Focus on the battle.”

“Ridley is smarter than he looks,” Samus added. “Don’t mistake him for a mindless beast.”

Pit nodded and got back into a fighting stance. “Right.” 

Ridley was indeed smarter than he looked. When it was just the two inexperienced angels fighting him, he felt confident that he could fight the two off and continue to focus on the real battle against the Galactic Federation. However, if Samus was here...now there was a real problem. She knew how to fight against Ridley. Alone, they would be evenly matched, but with the angels as backup, that would be a battle he just couldn’t win.

But that didn’t mean he couldn’t win the space fight.

So, with a low, cackling roar, Ridley slowly flew up into the air, away from Samus and the two angels. He would not fight a battle he couldn’t win.

“He’s retreating!” Viridi shouted. “Don’t just stand there! Samus! Pittoo! One of you-”

Despite not being able to hear her, Ridley interrupted Viridi with another loud roar, though this one seemed to be directed at his troops, as most of them responded to the call. He then pointed at the Space Pirate mothership and roared again, giving an unintelligible order to the Space Pirate army as the trio below watched in confusion.

In the next moment, a blinding flash appeared, throwing everybody off balance for a few seconds. When they looked up, they saw a massive purple ball of energy forming from the center of the mothership. It was growing rapidly and absorbing the entire ship. Its gravitational force was comparable to a black hole, and soon the many ships, including Bowser’s airships and the Galactic Federation Fleet, began to be pulled towards it.

“What...what is that?” Pit moaned as Samus landed her ship on the airship. The bounty hunter glared at Ridley, who seemed to grin at her before dropping off the ship and taking flight in the opposite direction from the blast.

“Get in,” Samus snapped, gesturing to her ship as she watched Star Fox and Star Wolf break off their engagement to escape the bomb’s pull. “We’re out of time.”

“But the Galactic Federation!” Pit exclaimed. “We have to get them out of here!”

“I don’t see any other option,” Dark Pit spat out, watching the bomb grow and consume ship after ship. “I don’t like it any more then you do, but…”

“Listen to me!” came Admiral Dane’s stern voice. “Don’t stick around here. We’re trapped, but I know that you can end this threat, Samus, like you’ve done time and time again. Don’t waste your time saving-”

His voice cut off as his ship was pulled into the mass of the Subspace Bomb.

“He’s gone,” Viridi confirmed. 

“We don’t have any other options,” Samus said, her voice carrying no emotion but still holding a certain level of confidence and experience. “Get in the ship. We need to live to fight another day. We can avenge all who fall here with careful planning and the element of surprise. It’s a lesson I learned a long time ago.”

“Okay,” Pit gulped as the airship was pulled closer to the bomb, watching as more and more ships were lost. “I don’t think I could watch much more of this anyway.”

Samus’s gunship took off, managing to escape the bomb’s range and shoot off into the vastness of space. Pit felt a small spark of hope at the escape pods launched from certain ships in the fleet. Maybe some would get away….

“We still have Ridley to deal with, and I don’t want him to catch us off guard,” Samus said. “My ship’s low on fuel anyway, so we’ll need to drop off at the nearest planet. We can make a stand there.”

“Planet…. Pop Star?” Pit asked, looking at the coordinates.

“I’ve never heard of it,” Samus said, shrugging her shoulders. “Nor have I heard anything about genuine angels. You have some explaining to do.”

“We will when we get there, Princess,” Dark Pit said. “But from what I’ve heard and seen? This war’s bigger than all of us…”

Pit laid his head against a window. “I just wish I could hear lady Palutena’s voice again. Somehow she always knows what to do.”

-

“Gahaha!” Bowser cackled, watching Princess Peach’s Castle erupt into a Subspace Bomb. “You were right, Metal Butt, this plan went without a hitch!”

“I really wish you’d stop calling me that,” Ancient Minister replied, giving Bowser a peeved look. “Well, you have your princess. I assume there’s no more reason for me to be here?”

“Yeah, buzz off,” Bowser said, waving the ambassador away. “Man, this ship is really awesome! I should mass produce them!”

The Halberd really was impressive, Bowser had to admit. The ship itself was in far better quality than anything Bowser had deployed before. It was quick, and sleek, and even quite comfortable in his personal quarters. He sat in his newly instated chair, his beloved Peach in a cage at his side and a captain’s hat on his head.

“I’m honored it meets your expectations,” Meta Knight said with a bow. “We can escort you to your castle, but after that I’m afraid we must depart. Pop Star’s inhabitants are still resisting our rule.”

“Aww, lame,” Bowser said. “I would have liked to see this baby in a real dogfight.”

“Well, I’ll be off then to speak with our master,” Ancient Minister said with a short bow. “He will be delighted to know of your impressive work.”

He made to fly out of the quarters, but bumped into a panicked Kamek, who shouted his brief apologies and flew into the room.

“What is it?” Bowser asked, folding his arms.

“We’re under attack, Sir,” Kamek said through panting breaths. “Their number is believed to be four, and Mario and Luigi were confirmed to be there. Right now, they’re destroying the rearguard, General Guy’s division.”

“Ugh, I knew those portly plumbers would find a way to mess with the best day of my life!” Bowser growled. “But four? Who else could the other two be? The dopey dinosaur? The possessed doll?”

“It seems Tabuu’s predictions were correct,” Meta Knight piped up. “The heroes of our respective worlds are beginning to gather.”

“Commanders Iggy and Wendy requested to engage them in a pincer movement and to fire at the doomed fleet,” Kamek said. “And General Guy is refusing to fall back or surrender. Your orders, your Tactfulness?”

“If I could make a suggestion,” Meta Knight said, before Bowser could reply. “I believe throwing your troops at them is a waste of time and resources. If the brothers’ reputation is even half true they’ll have no trouble dispatching them, and they have allies on their side. Instead I prefer we personally engage the enemy with our best. I’ll personally dispatch them if need be.”

“Mwahaha!” Bowser said, pumping a fist. “I’ll get to see this ship in action after all! Kamek, have  
Iggy and Wendy withdraw, but allow General Guy to stay where he is. He can stall our threats while we prepare to launch an assault from our fleet’s finest.”

“Very well, Sir,” Kamek said, taking flight and flying out of the quarters. “For once I feel very confident about our chances.”

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -
> 
> Power Rankings of the Chapter:
> 
> Samus Aran: A tier
> 
> Ridley: A tier
> 
> Pit (power of flight): A tier
> 
> Pit (without the power of flight): B tier
> 
> Dark Pit (without the power of flight): B tier
> 
> Phosphora: B tier
> 
> Various minions: C-D tier
> 
>  
> 
> -
> 
> I'm a little disappointed we couldn't do much with Samus this chapter. Originally she was going to do more, but ultimately that would have screwed with the pacing. We'll see more of her soon. Balancing so many characters is really hard, but at least they already have established personalities.
> 
> I hope everyone enjoyed, and if anyone wants to leave a comment, please do. Predictions, praises, critiques, questions; all are welcome!


	4. In which I free-fall twice in one day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -

Something I was beginning to learn about being in this alternate world was that the way characters were portrayed in the video games failed to paint a complete picture. For example, I don’t recall E. Gadd in Luigi’s Mansion being such a grump. After ensuring the evacuation of the toads of Toad Town over to the west, not far from Mario’s house, an agitated E. Gadd practically dragged us over to Boo Woods to the east. He didn’t even seem to care how spooked I was, though Luigi’s shared nervous energy made me feel a little better about myself. Now in the confines of his lab, Mario, Luigi, and Toadsworth sat in armchairs, eyeing me expectantly while the professor tinkered with something or other. I had promised to explain everything once we were sure the toads were safe, but given I barely understood the situation myself, it wouldn’t be easy.

“This young man is the cause of the princess’ kidnapping! I’m certain of it!” Toadsworth shouted. 

Well, at least we were getting right to the point.

“Jeez man, I didn’t want the princess to get kidnapped! Honest,” I said as I dodged a swipe from Toadsworth’s cane. “The whole reason I went up to see the princess was to stop her from getting taken away!”

“Egad!” 

Everyone suddenly turned towards the professor, who was now holding a hot drink in his hands. “This is the best blend my Beanbean Machine has ever produced! I must document this!”

“You say that about every blend that comes out of that machine, professor.” Toadbert sighed as he entered the lab. “I tried to get the toads to make camp, but most just wanted the electricity and hot water of your place, Mario. Hope the bill won’t be too high.”

Mario and Luigi both groaned at this. They really didn’t talk much, but the two were so expressive it made up for it.

E. Gadd looked a little miffed at Toadbert’s previous comment. “I am constantly improving, my blue critic. Also, our friend here finally said a complete sentence since the castle vanished!”

“I have?” I asked, disappointed that the limelight was back on me once again.

“You have!” Gadd said, picking up a pencil and beginning to pressure me up against the wall. “Now then, can you give me your name, date of birth, height, weight, and your reason for showing up at Peach’s Castle uninvited?”

I pushed the pencil aside. “I didn’t know the Mushroom Kingdom had customs inspection. Uh, well…”

“Well? Answer the old man,” Master Hand said, metaphorically nudging me forwards. “You’ve waited long enough. We’ll be right here if you need us.”

“Right… Sorry, professor. My name is Jack. Do I really have to tell you the rest? Because I don’t know if my height and weight are the same as-”

“Oh fine.” Gadd turned around and walked back to the table with the Beanbean Machine to grab a notepad. “Just tell me your intentions and what you know about what just happened.” 

“Good luck, Jack. Remember the-”

“Snow globe metaphor, yeah, I got it,” I whispered to Master Hand. Seeing everyone look at me in anticipation—especially the Mario Bros.—tied a knot in my stomach, so I took a deep breath and began where I could.

“My name is Jack. I-I come from a place called New York. You’ve probably never heard of it, and I know why. It exists in a different dimension completely separate from this one.”

“Another dimension you say?” Gadd asked. “Would you happen to be related to that poor fellow against the wall in the corner there, then?”

I turned to face the corner Gadd was talking about, and nearly jumped back in surprise at who I saw.

“The little fellow was on my roof this morning when I was doing some maintenance. To my surprise, he’s completely flat! An actual two-dimensional entity! He hasn’t moved a muscle since this morning though.”

“So it’s already begun,” I said, taking my eyes off of the sleeping Mr. Game & Watch. “No, I’m not related to him. He comes from yet another dimension.”

“Another one?” Toadsworth asked.

“There’s a lot of them,” I explained, chuckling a bit lamely. “All of these dimensions exist in tandem with one another, but they rarely overlap and they're completely different. The people, the heroes, the locations.... Are you guys still with me?”

Everyone nodded, which I took as a cue to continue.

“Okay so, a god-like being set on chaos and personal gain has been mashing all these dimensions together into one big amalgamation of worlds. What he’s trying to do is gather up all the villains from these various dimensions, now in one world, and use them in order to set off those bombs like the one that engulfed the castle. His name is Tabuu, and if he manages to detonate enough of those Subspace bombs in key locations, there may not be a world to call our own anymore.”

Luigi and Toadbert gasped in shock as Gadd continued to silently write down what I said. Toadsworth had a look of dread on his face, while Mario looked pretty cool and collected.

“I think you’re doing a good job,” Master Hand said with a hint of delight.

“B-but how do you know all this!?” Toadsworth asked. “Surely you didn’t just come across this information?"

Oh shoot.

“Uh…” I’d normally ask Master Hand for assistance in this situation, but everyone would definitely see me whispering if I wanted to get some guidance.

“Well uh… My dimension is a special case, right?” I looked up at the hands floating around me to prove that my rhetorical question was actually a question directed at them.

To my surprise, Crazy Hand was the one to pick up on what I was doing and respond. “Oh yeah. You can’t get touched by Tabuu, and you get to play demi-god to all of the other dimensions!”

“I’m immune to Tabuu’s clutches. He can’t reach me where I’m from.”

“Not yet, at the very least,” Master Hand said.

“Not yet!?” I shouted back, eliciting some odd looking faces.

“Focus on the explanation!” He shouted back.

“Right...yeah not yet. In my dimension, well… I get to observe all of you like a deity of sorts. Using a um... a glass screen, I’ve been able to observe the biggest adventures of almost all the heroes across the various dimensions. The only problem is that I’m not actually any kind of god. Yeah, sure, I managed to jump across time and space and wind up here...but I’m just a 19 year old kid who knows a lot but hasn’t actually done a lot. If you couldn’t tell yet, I’m a little inexperienced in a lot of this stuff.” 

I finished with an awkward sounding chuckle as the folks from the Mushroom Kingdom took in the end of my story. All of them stood in silence, but expressions varied from awed to terrified. E. Gadd was still hitting down notes while Mario looked deep in thought. 

“So what’s the plan?”

The new, almost robotic voice came from the corner of the room where Mr. Game & Watch stood, seemingly wide awake. He stood there completely motionless, awaiting my response. 

“The plan?” I asked back.

Mr. Game & Watch walked towards us, though everyone except myself was thrown off guard by the way he moved. It was one action at a time, with no kind of movement in between. One moment his front leg was up in the air, and the next it was back down on the ground. When he spoke again, a small, curved hole appeared beneath his nose to show his mouth, though it never moved or closed while he responded to me.

“The plan. You came here to fight Tabuu, so you have to have a plan.” 

His voice had a slight echo to it, almost like the reverb of a bell. If anything, that’s what fascinated me the most about meeting Mr. Game & Watch in real life. 

He crossed his arms and began to impatiently tap his foot on the ground.

“So what’s the plan?” He asked again.

“R-right, t-the plan,” I stuttered. “The plan is to get all the heroes together to combat all the villains. If all the worlds are coming together and the bad guys can get together to launch an assault, why can’t the good guys also do that?”

“And because of your otherworldly knowledge, you would know where and how to find these heroes, and how to coax them onto our side?”

I nodded. “Exactly.”

Mr. Game & Watch nodded (I think?). “I see.”

“Well, I’d question what you’re saying, but comparing your claims with the odd occurrences around the Mushroom Kingdom locations as of late,” E. Gadd piped up, pointing his pencil at some footage on various television screens decorating his walls. “The biomes are the same, but various residents and locations seem to have been...replaced. Your explanation, though far-fetched, holds water.”

“Then what are you boys waiting for?” Toadsworth asked, tapping Luigi with his cane. “If this young man’s story is true then you haven’t a moment to waste! Masters Mario and Luigi, I expect you to take good care of our new hero!”

“Well, how do you even expect us to start?” I asked, feeling a wave of panic overwhelm me. “I mean, I guess we can start recruiting people, but…”

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, fellows,” E. Gadd said, patting me on the shoulder. “After all, Bowser’s fleet is still in the sky, and our first priority must be rescuing the princess.”

“How is chasing after Bowser not getting ahead of ourselves!” I shouted.

“No one is asking you to come, old chum,” Toadsworth said sympathetically. “We know you’re not much of a fighter.”

“Afraid that’s not true, actually,” Game and Watch said in that quiet voice of his. “He has knowledge that we don’t. It’s foolish to go in blind with an asset on our side.”

“Can we not objectify me, please?” I asked, scratching my head. “Look, I’ll go, just don’t expect many athletic feats, okay?”

“Well, I’m sure reliable Mario and Luigi can handle the fighting,” E. Gadd said. “I have no doubt some of my inventions will serve you well too.”

“I can fight, if it comes to it,” Game and Watch said. “I have no memory of my life before today, but muscle memory and combat is….a part of who I am.”

The dude was unsettling. I’d always saw Game and Watch as a goofy character, but here he felt unnatural, and definitely a little dangerous. Plus, having no idea about his origin, considering he was an amalgamation of minigames, was pretty unsettling. Not even he knew where he was really from. Still, good thing he was on our side, and I was genuinely curious if he would fight the same way he did in Smash Brothers.

“Well, if that settles everything,” Toadbert said, a little overwhelmed by the new information but ready on his feet. It was pretty remarkable how nonchalant the residents of the Mushroom Kingdom were to calamity. They were probably pretty used to it. “Toadsworth, you and I better lead the toads to safety. The bomb’s stagnant, but I don’t want to take any risks, by boogity!”

“You’ll find a growing congregation of people if you keep heading east,” E. Gadd said, checking a monitor. “Granted, I don’t know who they are, but they seem to be survivors of Subspace blasts. I’m sure you’ll be fine under their care. In the meantime…”

He gave me a crooked grin. “We better prepare you for your journey.”

-

Professor E. Gadd was nothing if not generous. To Luigi he gifted the Poltergust 5000, to Mario, F.L.U.D.D, and to all four of us communicative devices in the shape of a 3DS. What really impressed me though, was when he showed us the new and improved Odyssey, the weird hat space ship thing from Mario Odyssey.

“Cappy is off on vacation, but he allowed me to make some adjustments to the ship,” E. Gadd said, tapping a button on his remote. Two massive cannons burst out on either side of the ships’ base. E. Gadd also informed us that he had improved he ship’s speed.

I gave a low whistle at the fresh paint job. The Odyssey looked very worse for wear in the game it had originated, but now it looked sleek and ready for flight. “You’ve outdone yourself, Doc.”

“Well, don’t get too excited,” E. Gadd said with a sigh. “We’re not exactly high in supply of power moons. You’ll have enough to get you to Bowser’s airship, but don’t expect a return flight.”

I gulped. One way or another, this would be a one way trip. “But we’re fine. I-I mean, the Mario bros do this so often they could make money off it, right?”

“Oh yeah!” Mario said, flashing me a thumbs up. 

Luigi, though looking terrified as always, seemed to be trying to put himself together for me. “We can handle this. Just-a stand behind us and you’ll be fine.”

“Is that everything, Doc?” I asked, checking the guns I had holstered in my pocket and slung on my back. “Seriously, thanks so much for the help.”

“I have one more invention that will be of service,” E. Gadd said. “Stuffwell! Front and center.”

To my surprise, I was met by a smiling, walking suitcase. “You rang?”

“You will accompany Mario and his team, supplying them with helping them in whatever they may need. I’ve also stocked him with power ups for the two brothers. In a situation as dire as this, we can’t hold anything back.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you all,” Stuffwell said, bowing. “I’m sure you can catch me up on the flight.”

“Just be careful, you four,” E. Gadd warned. “There’s a lot of hopes riding on you today.”

“What about you?” I asked.  “Will you go after Toadbert and Toadsworth?”

“I’m afraid I’m in need of my laboratory for now,” E. Gadd said. “There’s much about this phenomenon I’d like to study. Perhaps I may even be able to counter Subspace Bombs….at the very least I can contact help…”

“Well, you be careful as well, all right,” I pleaded, and my stomach churned when I thought about the old guy and those Subspace Bombs. “We can’t afford to lose you.”

“Hehe, I know that better than anyone else. Now go, off with you!” E. Gadd said, shooing us away. “Go on your adventure and save the universe itself!”

The old man sure knew how to lay on the pressure.

-

“This is a pretty comfy ride,” I admitted as I leaned back in the Odyssey's easy chair. “I’ve never been in first class before, but it can’t be better than this.”

Indeed, the Odyssey's flight was pretty smooth. Outside the window was the beautiful Mushroom Kingdom sky, with clouds that smiled and even occasionally winked at us. Mister Game and Watch was gazing at it, transfixed, and I smiled. With his amnesia, his experience of this world wasn’t too different from mine.

Mario, donning a captain’s hat, was sitting in the other armchair, perusing some maps to learn where exactly Bowser’s fleet was leading us. Luigi stood behind us, and I could feel the nervous energy radiating off him as he drummed his fingers on the chair’s back. The games almost didn’t do him justice in how anxious and pale he was. 

“So um, you guys have done this before, right?” I asked, my own nerves pumping my heart with lead. “I’m pretty green, so I’m going to need to follow for your lead. Uh, no offense, Luigi.”

“No problem,” Mario said, looking relaxed and confident, and it put me at ease. “We take’a care of the minions so often it’s a become second nature. We can defeat Bowser with our hands tied behind our back.”

“Literally,” Luigi said with an awkward chuckle. “You know, because we jump? I’ll a shut up.”

I laughed appreciatively at his attempt at humor. “In truth, I’m more worried about that flagship. The one who mans it... it’s said that he can swing a sword faster than the speed of sound.”

As Luigi practically shrieked in horror, Game and Watch tore his gaze from the window and gave me a curious look. “Is that so? Can we fight him?”

“Hopefully it won’t come to that,” I said, running a hand through my hair, which was one of my many nervous habits. “This guy is a good guy I’m pretty sure. And um...if the games I’ve played are anything to go by, the ship was just stolen from him.”

“Ooh, what a relief,” Luigi said with a dramatic sigh. “Hammers don’t do too well against a swords.”

“Well, we’re approaching Bowser’s fleet,” Stuffwell said, tottering into the room. He was without a doubt the most talkative of our party, but he seemed very emotionless and robotic in his tone. “Do we have a plan of attack? There’s quite a few ships in that fleet, our chances at winning are quite missacernable.”

I thought for a moment, before looking at Mario and Luigi, who seemed content to simply attack the entire fleet like a battering ram. That may have been well and good for them, but there was no way I was going to survive two seconds against Bowser’s ships.

“Well, I’m assuming Bowser’s force aren’t very coordinated, right?” I said, looking to Mario for confirmation. “We can cause chaos in their fleet if we hit the right spots, and use our small size to our advantage to jump from ship to ship. Eventually the Halberd will have to target us, being the most powerful ship and considering how hard headed Bowser is, so we’ll have our opening.”

“I’m not so sure,” Stuffwell said. “I myself would probably slow you down. I lack the speed and ferocity to be a threat to Bowser’s minions.”

So do I, I thought in my head, suddenly feeling sick.

It was Game and Watch who replied. “Then stay up in the Odyssey and monitor our progress, be our eye in the sky. If things get...difficult you can fly us out. The ship has cannons, yes?”

“That seems fair,” Stuffwell said with a nod. “But keep in mind, the ship only has so many power moons to fuel it. This assault will need to be quick and efficient.”

“I do work best with a time limit,” I said with a reluctant sigh, putting a hand on my gun for comfort. “How will we even get to the ships anyway? Does this ship have a cloaking device or something?”

“Even better!” Mario said with a chuckle, leading me out to the Odyssey's exterior. “We jump!”

-

Thank God Mister Game and Watch had a parachute on him.

What happened next was a blur. First I was forced to free fall into enemy fire, screams lost to the air as bullet bills buzzed by me. Mario and Luigi were capable in aerial combat because of course they were, repelling the bullets and landing on the airship while Mister Game and Watch caught me, and we fell at a far more reasonable pace.

By the time we touched the deck of the first ship, Mario and Luigi had dealt with the koopas aimimg the cannons and were currently beating the everliving tar out of anyone unfortunate enough to cross their paths.

If they were capable fighters on their own, Mario and Luigi were legends when they worked together. Their teamwork was almost absurd in the complicated acrobatic maneuvers they pulled off, and the coins and one ups just seemed to rack up. They’d landed vicious combo moves, bouncing off one another, and at one point Luigi hit Mario so hard with a hammer that he turned into a ball that bounced off koopa after koopa.

In other words, they were kicking ass.

Mister Game and Watch ran to catch up, and I was able to get my first glance at his fighting style. He lacked the Mario brothers’ finesse, but he was still well beyond any human I had ever seen, and from his body he could morph various weapons; I had caught sight of a hammer, a massive tack, and… a bell? I wasn’t sure what it’s purpose was, but his constant ringing seemed to be annoying our opponents.

Meanwhile, I hung back, trying my best to help without getting in the way. I held the super scope at the ready, locking on to some of the Paratroopas preparing to dive bomb the three fighters. Unfortunately, they were so fast they were difficult to hit, and it wasn’t like I was much of a sharpshooter to begin with.

“Son of a….” I hissed as a paragoomba hopped over one of my shots. I could swear they were mocking me at this point.

“It's your own inhibitions that hold you back at this point,” Master Hand said. “We’ve given you the tools and abilities to be a capable warrior, but even we can’t help whatever this mental block is.”

I blinked, feeling something rubbing my shoulders. “Are...are you guys giving me a massage?”

“Yeah!” Crazy Hand said with a goofy laugh. “Is it working?”

I sighed. “A little bit, yeah.” I took aim and fired.

The bolt of energy struck the Paragoomba in the air, blasting it out of the sky. I let out a whoop of joy and raised my gun in the air as Master and Crazy Hand worked together to give me a short round of applause.

“Don’t let it get to your head,” Master Hand warned. “The enemy is far from routed. Remain calm and take another shot. See if you can help Mr. Game and Watch.”

I began to shiver, holding my shoulders. “It’s freezing up here. Is there some sort of way I can pad my shirt or something?”

“Nope!” Crazy Hand said cheerily. “Really should’ve have brought supplies, shouldn’t you?”

“I tried to!” I protested. “You two never gave me a chance!”

“Fine!” Master Hand growled. “If it’ll silence your incessant whining then fine!”

I stared on in surprise as a folded, patterned sweatshirt appeared in front of me; my favorite to wear in the fall.

“Hell yeah!” I cried, grabbing the only possession I had from my original dimension and pulling it on. “Thanks so much guys!”

“Now can you get involved in the fighting?” Master Hand said, exasperated.

“Of course!” I pulled the hood over my head and hunched my shoulders to look intimidating. “Those fools won’t know what hit them.”

“...Why are you deepening your voice?” Master Hand moaned.

Surprisingly, it seemed to work. My super scope shots were far more accurate, and soon I was felling a minion one in every three or four shots. Mario soon took notice and threw me a thumbs’ up, and it inspired even more confidence.

As I grew more confident in the heat of battle, it seemed to become more like a chore, our progress slow and repetitive, almost formulaic. We’d thrash up an airship, knock its enemies overboard, and jump ship just when the others had begun to open fire on us. You’d think cannons trying to blow you out of the sky would keep you riveted, but we were so quick (even myself) that they had no chance to hit us. Even the sound of heavy artillery fire can fade in the background when you become desensitized to it.

“Hey, did you guys notice-“ I spun, wrenching my side arm out of its sling and blasting away a shy guy with the NES zapper as he tried to pounce on me. “Oh my god that was so badass.”

“Notice what?” Luigi asked as he threw another shy guy right into Mario’s swinging hammer.

“These masked jerks are piling up,” I said, stumbling back as a horde of the buggers charged me….

Only to be taken out by long tentacles that wrapped around their small bodies. I looked up in surprise to see Game and Watch, in octopus form, toss them overboard with little effort.

“Whoa,” Game And Watch said, reverting back to his humanoid form. “How the heck did I do that?”

I glanced at the 2D figure. “Did you find a Smash Ball or something?”

“To answer your previous question, Master Jack.” Stuffwell’s garbled voice shouted from the DS communication device. “I’ve been doing some recon. You’ve been attacking the rearguard of Bowser’s armada, which is governed by General Guy. He’s been deploying his ships as a sort of wall to protect the Halberd and Bowser’s main fleet.”

“Dammit,” I growled, slapping myself in the face. “So we’ve done nothing more than chip damage to Bowser’s army? I guess at the very least we understand the abundance of shy guys.”

“Now now, no need for frustrated words,” Stuffwell said in a soothing voice. “You’ve all but obliterated the Shy Guy company, and I have no doubt it will catch the attention of the Koopa King at the very least. Though…I have no idea as to the whereabouts of General Guy himself-“

He was interrupted by cannon fire that shook the airship with enough strength to throw me off my feet. I hissed, managing to roll up to see an airship charging for us, crashing into the airship we were on. The impact slammed my head against the railing, and I fell again.

“HERE WE GO BOYS, THE SCHMUCKS WHO BEEN MAKING US SHY GUYS LOOK LIKE A BUNCH’A FOOLS!”

“-I stand corrected,” Stuffwell said with a chuckle. “There he is.”

“To think that I thought Bowser’s megaphone sounded annoying,” Game and Watch muttered.

“Wait, you could hear him all the way from E. Gadd’s lab?” I questioned as I massaged my aching head.

“Who couldn’t?” Game and Watch said.

“C’MON SIRS!” General Guy roared as a wave of shy guys jumped from his ship to ours. “WHERE’S THE FIGHT IN YOU!”

Mario and Luigi jumped in front of us, swinging their hammers defensively in the face of the charging shy guys. Unfortunately for us, General Guy seemed to actually have a good grasp of strategy, and the shy guys attacking us managed to form ranks.

“Crap, we’ve lost our momentum,” I muttered as I stumbled away, shooting with the super scope in a desperate bid to thin the ranks. A few of them managed to finally pin down Game and Watch, the 2D figure trying in vain to shake them off. 

The ship shook again as Bowser’s fleet began to fire on our own, and I realized it would soon either crash or explode outright.

It was Stuffwell that saved us.

The Odyssey, flying like a fighter jet, descended, weaving in and out to avoid the bullet bills flying towards it. Cannons locking into place, it opened fire on General Guy’s ship, separating it from our own and causing disruption in the shy guy ranks. Flying above our heads, it opened fire on some of the other ships, forcing them to break away and even managing to bring one of the airships out of the sky.

“You’re amazing, Stuffwell,” I said in awe as I pulled Game and Watch free, Luigi easily taking out the stragglers that now found themselves separated from the army’s main force. “To think he could make the Odyssey fly like that…”

“How the heck could he do that without arms?” Game and Watch asked, scratching his head.

“You know, you’re really different from I expected you to be,” I said, giving the 2D figure an odd look.

Stuffwell’s head peeked out from the Odyssey window. “Master Mario! It’s time to take the offensive! Catch!”

Time slowed down, and a flower flew out and spun towards the ship. Mario looked up and understanding dawned on his face. 

With a great jump, he caught the flower, and he began to glow with a harsh light as he hit the ground, the iconic “power up” jingle, playing for all of us to hear.

We all watched as the light faded, leaving Mario wearing a white shirt and red pants, contrasting his earlier appearance.

Mario’s eyes opened, and his very body became outlined in an aura of fire powerful enough for us to feel it. Two balls of fire formed in his hands, and he marched past us with a determined expression.

“Let’s-a go.”

Fire exploded from his fingertips, reducing the entire first line of shy guys to cinders. The plumber charged forewards at speeds he certainly wasn’t capable of before, shooting fire balls and slaying dozens of minions at a time.

“Jesus…” I whispered. “Just when I was beginning to think I had a chance of catching up.”

“Yes, Fire Mario…” Master Hand said with an impressed sigh. “The true strength of an ‘A’ tier.”

“So Mario’s power ups are strong enough to bring him up entire tiers?” I asked, unable to keep the awe out of my voice.

“That’s right,” Master Hand said with a chuckle. “If you think he’s scary now, imagine him with a star or mega mushroom.”

“Well we’d better go and support him,” Game and Watch said. “Not that it will make much of a difference.”

He had a point. By the time he, Luigi, and I had gotten there, Mario was finished with almost half of General Guy’s forces. We did our best to pick off stragglers, but at that point Fire Mario was taking care of the enemy single handedly.

To his credit, General Guy didn’t back down, bravely driving forward in his odd looking tank. “NOT BAD SIRS, BUT I’M TOP SHY GUY FOR A REASON!”

Though he looked a bit silly, a three foot tall masked guy in grey military garb, he did at least seem to have game to back up his talk. Pressing a button in his tank, he shot lightning that actually managed to force Mario to roll out of the way, stopping his charge.

“DIE FOOLS!” General Guy shouted, chucking bombs at us and forcing us to dive behind cover.

I cursed under my breath as I saw the scattered shy guys begin to rally in the lull of the fight. If we stalled any longer we’d lose our offensive.

“If I can get a clear shot at the lightbulb in the back of his tank, I can take out his lightning,” I said, looking through my scope. “Then Mario will have an easy time with it.”

“No need,” Luigi said, patting me on the back of the head. “It’s Luigi time.”

With uncharacteristic boldness, Luigi stepped out to face General Guy, his hammer hefted over his shoulder.

General Guy blinked a little, puzzled. “Who….are you again?”

Luigi moaned, deflating again. General Guy used the opportunity to throw another bomb, but Luigi was already moving, dodging the explosion with ease.

General Guy growled, tossing more and more, but Luigi continued to dodge, becoming cockier with every movement. Soon he was openly mocking the General, slapping his butt and giggling.

“Why you-!” General Guy snarled, slamming a button on his tank.

“I don’t get it,” Game and Watch said. “Why isn’t he attacking? What’s his plan?”

Realization dawned on me. “He’s… He’s baiting out the lightning!”

“DIE FOOL!” General Guy roared, lightning flying for the green plumber, while Luigi stood still, smiling in victory.

The lighting struck Luigi with enough force I could feel it vibrating in my fingers, but Luigi merely laughed, moving his hands. He had caught the lightning, and was redirecting it back to….

“Thunder!” Luigi crowed in victory, shooting lightning back tenfold at the General, who shrieked and ducked back into his tank. It as a useless gesture, as the lightning blasted the tank with enough force to shatter the lightbulb.

Jumping forward, even higher than Mario did, Luigi brought down his hammer with enough strength to blast the tank apart, the pieces and the unconscious General Guy flying overboard.

The three of us stared in shock as Luigi did a victory dance, pumping his fists and shouting “Go Weegee!” over and over.

“To think, I had never thought much of him, especially next to his brother,” Game and Watch said, his voice wavering.

“Guess the year of Luigi never ends, huh,” I mumbled.

We watched as an overjoyed Mario jumped to his brother, praising him for his victory in their odd Italian babble of theirs.

“Excellent work, Master Luigi,” Stuffwell said, a note of trepidation in his voice. “But I’m afraid another monster has raised its ugly head.”

We looked up to the see Halberd, tripling the size of General Guy’s own command ship, descending over us, the combo cannon pointing directly at us. Luigi sagged in fear and exhaustion, clearly believing we would be done after finishing the shy guy General.

“We need to get off this ship right now,” I mumbled. “Or it’s pretty much game over.”

-

“Wow, one direct hit?!” Bowser said in awe, grinning at the destruction of what had once been General Guy’s command ship. “Forget just the one, I want a fleet of these!”

“Mario… no,” Peach whispered, fear stricken as she clutched the bars on her cage. 

“He’s not finished yet,” Meta Knight grunted. “Without a doubt they were hoping we’d get involved anyway so they’d have easy access to the Princess.”

“I’m afraid you’re right, Sir Meta Knight,” Kamek said, looking deep into his crystal ball. “The four of them managed to stowaway on your ship and are making quick work of your little mercenaries and our own forces.”

“Like a hurricane of wanton destruction,” Meta Knight said, looking into the crystal ball himself. “But I have seen greater forces at play.”

“You gonna go knock some heads?” Bowser said, giving a sadistic grin. “Want me to join in?”

“It would be a failure on my end if guests aboard my ship see combat,” Meta Knight said, putting a hand on where his sword was sheathed. “I’ll finish with them quickly and deliberately, and be finished with this whole business.”

In one fluid motion, he spun his cape, disappearing.

“Hehe, I love it when he does that,” Bowser said to a bemused Peach. “It looks so cool.”

-

Just a note to anyone who might be trapped in a Nintendo dimension. The second you drop your guard, you’ll be dive bombed by a bloodthirsty flying plant. Not fun.

I say this because, despite being a terrifying command ship, navigating and battling our way through the Halberd wasn’t that bad. Having been a big Kirby fan, I knew for the most part where to go, and and the enemies weren’t too difficult. Sure, there were new ones, blade knights and sword knights and waddle doos, but Fire Mario blew through them so fast they were pretty forgettable.

Just when I was considering trying out my apparent latent ice powers, something massive crashed into me, knocking me flat on my back. I looked up to see massive jaws looming over me, drool falling from the green lips and hitting my favorite sweatshirt.

After a second to get over my shock, I recognized the beast. Flowers covering its massive red head… two leaves that functioned as arms...wearing nothing but boxers…  
Heat suddenly took up my the corner of my eye and Petey Piranha squealed in pain and rolled off me, covered in burns.

I rolled free, taking deep breaths as Mario faced the dazed plant. With a shout of rage, he launched a massive fireball, but with a flap of his leafy arms Petey Piranha took flight, avoiding the flames.

I fell back, letting Mario take the lead in this fight. I knew from game experience that the overgrown piranha plant was weak to flames, so it was obvious who our best chance to win was.

Mario threw a volley of fire balls, but Petey had learned his lesson and flew out of range of them, opening his mouth and shooting out blasts of goop in response. Mario managed to roll out of the way in time, but the goop caught Game and Watch, and the flat man went down with a disgusted yelp, unable to move at all.

“Mario, try charging up a particularly powerful blast. Luigi, if you can distract him I’ll back you up,” I shouted.

Mario gave a shrug to his younger brother, cartwheeling back and slowly beginning to pool his fiery power. Luigi gulped at the sight of the terrifying plant, but charged it anyway, sidestepping a jet of goop. I took aim, at the ready in case Luigi needed my assistance. At the very least, this strategy would keep Petey Piranha off Game and Watch.

“So,” I muttered as Luigi jumped up to meet Petey in battle. “What rank is the plant?”

“Bit of a hard question,” Master Hand admitted. “In truth, we hold monsters like that in a league of their own, rather than include them in the ranking system themselves. In simplest terms he’s a B tier threat, if that makes sense.” 

I think I got what he was trying to say, and it made sense in its struggle with Luigi. The plumber, continuing to boost my opinion of him by the second, twirled in the air to dodge the piranha plant’s jaws. He struck out with his hammer, landing several fierce blows. Still, despite Luigi’s skill and speed, he was fighting something stronger and bigger than himself, and there as only one way that could end. Landing a slice with one of his wings, Petey Piranha delivered a swift head butt that crashed Luigi back to the deck, leaving him groaning in pain.

Petey landed far more gracefully, licking hungry lips, but I pointed the super scope in retaliation. Other than fire, Petey’s weakness was…

The super scope fired, and Petey screamed in pain as an explosion blew into his bulging belly button. The plant turned to me in such a rage that I almost peed myself, but he had left Luigi a second too long. With a roar, Luigi launched a jolt of electricity, paralyzing Petey Piranha where he stood and preventing him from moving.

“Mario, now!” I shouted, tackling Luigi out of the way of his line of fire. The plumber grinned, blue fire swarming around his fingers.

With a howl, Mario let loose all of the fire he had charged up, an explosion that lit up Petey like a Christmas tree. Petey Piranha writhed in pain, but Mario didn’t let up.

By the time Mario allowed the flames to die down, Petey Piranha was nothing but ashes. I almost felt sorry for him.

Game and Watch clearly didn’t though, hissing in disgust as he shook his foot out from the goop. “Oh ew… this is disgusting. You two do this every day? It’s just one after another!”

Luigi chuckled sheepishly. “You get used to-“

Luigi’s eyes bugged out as a foot found itself in his chest, the impact of the blow powerful enough to send him flying over the Halberd’s deck and tumbling into the water below.

“LUIGI!” Mario cried, sprinting over the deck, staring in horror at the rippling water below. I simply blinked, unable to comprehend what had happened.

“My apologies, but I prefer a one on one duel without interruptions,” the masked man who had landed the strike said, stepping forward and drawing his golden sword. He was short, and normally he’d look almost comical, but his intense stare brought forth no laughter.

“Meta Knight,” I whispered. “We-we can’t fight-“

“Heeeeya!” Mario cried, unleashing the most powerful flames I’d seen from the plumber. Meta Knight didn’t seem to move, but where fire he struck he was no longer there, instead lunging for Mario at speeds I could not track. Mario, fortunately, was more competent than me, and managed to block the strike with his hammer.

“Not bad,” Meta Knight said, clearly impressed. “You’re the first since Kirby to block my attack.”

With a grunt, he wrenched his grip free, slashing out at Mario and forcing the plumber to jump back. Mario grit his teeth, attempting to summon flames, but it was all he could do to defend against the swordsman’s vicious onslaught.

“Aww baby’s first ‘S’ tier,” Crazy Hand cooed. “Even the mighty Mario can barely hold his own.”

“This is bad,” Game and Watch muttered as Mario was forced further and further back by Meta Knight. “Our best fighter is practically being trivialized.”

“Stuffwell, any chance you could divebomb again?” I asked, trying to stay calm.

“Not if you want enough fuel to land safely,” Stuffwell said, clearly as terrified as the rest of us. “Besides, the Halberd completely outclassses the Odyssey. It’s more than likely that I’d get shot out of the sky.”

“Well only one thing to do then,” I said, hoping I sounded braver than I actually was. “We’re going to have to distract Meta Knight to give Mario an opening.”

“Are you kidding?” Game and Watch hissed. “Neither of us are as strong as Luigi was, and this lunatic took him out in one strike!”

“Try doing that octopus thing?” I suggested, putting my hand on the Halberd’s deck.

“That was a fluke!” Game And Watch shouted. “And even if it wasn’t, we're not even sure if-what are you doing?”

“Ice powers,” I replied nonchalantly as I snapped my fingers, creating a mini wave of snow in my hand.

“How long have you been hiding that in your pocket?!”

“Since right now! Now stop whining and start attacking!”

Game and Watch growled. “I know nothing about my old life, but it can’t have been worse than this.” Still, he charged forward, forming a hammer out of his hand. For my part, I released what little snow I had managed to muster.

Though Meta Knight managed to catch Game and Watch’s strike with ease, and my own did little more than blow his cape with cold wind, it was enough for Mario to break the engagement, backflipping and bringing both hands together in a fire technique. Meta Knight incapacitated Game And Watch with a single blow and spun to face Mario a second too late.

“Oh yeah!” Mario shouted, releasing all of his energy. “Heeeee yah!”

I recognized the move as the Mario Finale, a powerful vortex that destroyed everything in its path. Meta Knight faced it fearlessly, raising his sword and swinging it down, neatly cleaving the attack in two.

Mario stared in horror, before moving a fraction of a second too slow, Meta Knight’s strike getting past his guard and sending him flying against a railing. With the iconic, sickening noise, the fire power up dissipated, and Mario was left in his ordinary overalls.

“Ah, the weaknesses of Mario’s power ups,” Master Hand noted with a sad sigh. “They grant incredible power, but a single hit will remove their effects.” 

I looked around in desperation, but nobody could help. Luigi was gone, Game and Watch had been rendered unconscious, and Mario was still dazed. It was... it was up to me...

“You could have put up a worse fight,” Meta Knight said, shrugging. “I can see why Bowser might struggle with you. Though the interference from your friends was quite unnecessary and disrespectful.”

Mario glanced up, a look of defiance on his face. He struggled to get up, raising his fists in challenge.

Meta Knight shook his head in disbelief. “And still you try to win. My apologies, Mario, but your naive existentialism was your undoing, and you have no place in Master Tabuu’s world.”

His sword glowed with an intense blue light, and I knew if I didn’t step in it would be over. 

“Consider your early failure a blessing,” Meta Knight said, his yellow eyes almost giving off a look of empathy. “You won’t see what your precious world becomes.” 

He swung his sword, shooting a vertical beam at the plumber, who closed his eyes, ready to take the hit. I moved, without even thinking, diving, and shooting the super scope sideways to deflect the shot. 

It was a pretty sick move, but it probably would’ve been cooler if I hadn’t missed, the shot going wide over Meta Knight’s shoulder.

The sword beam slammed into my chest, and I fell back into Mario, the both of us flying overboard. My last thought before losing consciousness was that even if the sword beam that was burning into my chest didn’t kill me, we’d be dead the second we hit the water.

-

“No!” Peach cried, a look of sheer agony on her face as she watched Mario and Captain Jack fall.

“GWAHAHA, YES!” Bowser shouted in victory, punching his fist in the air. “I should’ve gotten this guy years ago!”

“They’ll be washing up on Yoshi’s Island, if my calculations are correct,” Kamek said, after chuckling weakly at his master’s mirth. “I could take a squad of toadies and finish them off.”

“Don’t bother,” Bowser said, waving the magician off. “A Subspace Bomb is being set off there, led by Larry and Lemmy. If their games aren’t over yet, they will be soon.”

“If you say so, your tactfulness,” Kamek said with a bow. “The Yoshis are a powerful race; their mortal energy will be a great energy source for Tabuu. What will you have me do in the meantime?”

Bowser scratched his chin. “Go watch over Junior. He’s leading troops on that planet...Body Odor?”

“You mean Bionis?” Kamek said with a sigh.

“That one,” Bowser growled. “Tell him the cookie ban is being lifted. I’m proud of my boy for leading his first platoon into battle.”

“Of course, Sir,” Kamek said with a dutiful nod. 

“Everyone else, victory party!” Bowser cheered. “For the new Koopa Queen!”

The Koopa troop present cheered, and Peach let out a soft sigh. Mario had always come through, but the threats now were tougher than ever before.

There was nothing for it, she’d have to contribute herself if she wanted to protect the very world she loved.

“Twink,” she whispered under her breath, knowing somehow the star kid would hear her. “I need your assistance.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -
> 
> Power Rankings of the chapter:
> 
> Meta Knight: S tier
> 
> Mario(Fire Flower): A tier 
> 
> Mario(Base): B tier
> 
> Luigi: B tier 
> 
> Mister Game And Watch: B tier 
> 
> General Guy: B tier 
> 
> Mii(Jack): C tier 
> 
> Various Minions: D tier 
> 
> -
> 
> No excuse for how late this chapter came, sorry guys. Still, this was probably the chapter I'm proudest of so far. It came down on paper pretty accurately to how I imagined in it in my head. That's always nice.  
> I actually don't have much to say about this particular one, but feel free to ask questions. Please do review if you can. Don't want to demand them, but they sure help inspire me to write.


	5. Three Falchions: Part 1

-

“Hold the line!” Draug said, slamming his shield against his spear in an effort to rally panicking soldiers. “We’re the knights of Altea, dammit! The finest soldiers in all of Archanea. I didn’t survive two wars just to see our army run around like headless chickens at the first signs of invasion!”

Draug’s words were bold and charismatic. In context, however, they were but a paper tiger. When the humanoid monsters had formed seemingly out of nowhere on Altea’s ports, the knights of Altea could handle it; it wasn’t too far from the rumors they had heard about the Revenants shambling around in Valentia. There were a lot of the green, figures surrounded in an odd purple mist, but most were unarmed, and as Draug had said, the Altean knights were the best of the best. 

When the flying boats had attacked, however, launching cannon fire that tore holes through the defense force and broke their ranks, staying calm in the face of something they couldn’t swing at with a sword was quite difficult. 

Still, Draug’s efforts were not completely in vain. The armor knights managed to raise their shields, holding off the main force of the shambling mutants while the archers and ballistae took aim behind them, letting loose arrows at the flying boats.

Draug narrowed his eyes as the sight of the enemy as they fell from their boats, wondering if he was having some sort of fever dream. They were walking turtles, mushrooms with frowns, it was so absurd they made his head hurt. Growling, he slapped himself in the face a couple times. He wasn’t being paid to be confused.

“That’s it, boys!” the knight growled, shoving his lance forward, and gutting three of the shambling monsters at once. “Don’t let them push us back!”

The mages, no doubt lead by Merric, began to cast lightning, fire, and wind magic that tore through the monsters, actually leaving sizable gaps in their wake. After the old bookworm had had opened his mage academy, the potency of the Altean mages had skyrocketed.

Unfortunately, Draug noticed as his spirits fell, whatever the monsters were, they were endless. More and more tottered from the shores, and the gaps the mages had left behind were soon filled.

Noting vaguely that the flying boats had stopped firing, Draug shouted desperately for the wall of knights to hold their position against the neverending wave….

-

The Ancient Minister gave a rueful chuckle as the garrison was overrun, soldiers either collapsing, retreating, or fighting for their lives against the endless hordes of primids. Such primitive creatures, caught in something they didn’t have the capacity to understand. It was almost sad.

They watched the primids’ progress from the flagship of a small fleet that Bowser had kindly bestowed upon him, identifiable by the face of the fleet’s captain, Roy Koopa, displayed on the bow. The koopaling, bored with how easy the invasion had been, wasn’t present, leaving the Ancient Minister and a tall man in dark armor to watch the struggle.

“This is truly the strength of forces mankind cannot comprehend,” the man in black armor said in that surprisingly soft voice of his. “I begin to fear that those who oppose us will not be a satisfying threat to us.”

“I wouldn’t worry,” the Ancient Minister replied. “There are more than a couple threats that could wipe out our little posse single handedly, and let’s not forget about your old friend Ike.”

“Ah yes, the man who completes me,” the man said, his hand gripping on the handle of his massive broadsword. “There always will be Ike, won’t there?”

The Ancient Minister looked down at Altea, silently detecting rankings and numbers. “Mostly ‘C’ tiers, but a good few ‘B’ tier mages...not that they’ll do anything against your armor. Nothing too challenging, but where….”

In a flash, the man next to him moved, swinging his silver blade and slicing through a javelin meant for the Ancient Minister. The mechanical being looked up with wide eyes. A dozen winged horses flew towards them in perfect formation, lead by a young woman with blue hair. Sitting behind her was…

“Ah, there he is…” Ancient Minister said with a nod, his curiosity sated. 

“Open fire!” The armored man grunted. “Don’t let them take this ship!”

A pair of hammer brothers adjusted their cannons, shooting as the Ancient Minister blasted lasers from his base, but the pegasus knights flew as if they were dancing through air, weaving through the fire and throwing back javelins with deadly accuracy, felling several of Bowser’s foot soldiers.

The man sitting behind the blue haired leader slid off the pegasus’ back, landing on the deck with his sword drawn. Several other men landed behind him; three axe wielders, a bulky looking gladiator, and a long haired sellsword. The leader of the pegasus knights kept pace with Roy’s airship, while the other knights flew past, targeting the rest of his fleet.

“Have you knowledge of these Archaeans?” The man in black armor asked, as he raised his weapon. 

“Yes,” the Ancient Minister said. “Ogma, captain of lady Caeda’s royal guard, and his cronies, Barst, Bord, and Cord. The ‘Crimson Fencer’ Navarre. Lady Caeda, queen to the throne. “

He threw a pointed glance at the man in blue hair leading them, wearing royal garbs and a circlet on his head. “The Hero King himself, Lord Marth. All of them war heroes many battles.”

“I never fancied that title myself,” King Marth said with a wry smile. “But I suppose I have to live up to it. Surrender now, and your lives will be spared.”

“Please, we can end this conflict peacefully,” Caeda said, giving her best charismatic smile. “You leave our men alive, so we know you’re both skilled and noble. Perhaps we can come to an agreement-”

“There it is,” the Ancient Minister said. “Lady Caeda’s silver tongue. It won’t work this time I’m afraid, though if you give yourselves to us we will allow you to serve under us.”

“I’m afraid that won’t be possible,” Caeda said with a chuckle. “It was worth a shot though. Ogma!”

“Barst,” Ogma whistled. “You and your men take the below deck while Navarre and I defend the queen.”

“On it,” Barst said, before letting out a whoop, the three axmen charging and ripping through any poor koopa troopa that was unfortunate enough to get in their way. The man and dark armor let them pass him, far more interested in the hero king.

“Bold of you to give me orders,” Navarre muttered, drawing a long, thin sword.

“Oh, just help me take out the damn cannons, will you?” Ogma snorted.

The two men sprinted forward to face the two elite hammer brothers that stood to meet them. Marth put a hand on his wife’s shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“I’ll take the black knight,” the hero king said. “If you take out the short one with the odd magic.”

“Done, my love.” Caeda gave Marth a smile that made his heart thump, before snapping her reigns and charging the Ancient Minister.

“I would know your name good sir, before we fight,” Marth said, facing the armored man and pointing his blade at him. “And your intentions, if it so pleases you.”

“I am known as the Black Knight,” the man said, slamming his sword Alondite on the deck. “Former general and rider of Daein. Now, I am just a sellsword.”

“Could we not buy your loyalty then?” Marth asked. “I am king of Archanea after all. You’d never have to work again.”

“Money is of no consequence to me,” the Black Knight said. “Pay me in combat, and perhaps you could sway my blade.”

“Then I suppose I have no choice,” Marth said. Both men lunged, and their blades met. Realization dawned on both their faces, and they split apart, gaining some distance from each other. For Marth, the realization was the Black Knight’s overwhelming strength and skill, possibly even greater than lord Camus of Grust had been. The Black Knight however, took interest in the nature of Marth’s blade.

“Your weapon has been blessed,” the Black Knight said, in mild surprise. “You wield no ordinary sword.”

“I wield Falchion,” Marth said, flourishing the sword. “The Kingsfang and bane to dragonkind. It was forged from the jaws of the goddess Naga herself.”

“Alondite,” the Black Knight said gruffly. “Blessed by Ashura. It seems our battle may be more even than I thought.”

“So it may be,” Marth said, before lunging again, his combat plan changing on the fly. The Black Knight was not a man he could outmatch in brute force.

The battle went on. Ogma, using sheer brute strength, slammed the first of the hammer brothers’ weapon to the side, before he ran it through with his broadsword. The second tried to fall back from Navarre’s lightning blows, but the mercenary moved like quicksilver, slashing through the elite koopa’s hammers with a single swing, before delivering a swift kick that knocked the Hammer Brother overboard.

Barst, Bord, and Cord had fought their way to the belowdecks, but found themselves facing a grumpy Roy Koopa, bullet bill blaster in hand.

“That’s it, punks,” the pink koopaling growled as he adjusted his sunglasses. “You’re gonna pay for interrupting my lunch break.”

Bord and Cord lunged, but Roy Koopa opened fire with his blaster, the explosion lighting the deck between them and sending them flying. Cord managed to hit the deck rolling, but Bord wasn’t so lucky, the impact throwing him overboard.

Barst, growling, lunged with his axe, but Roy grinned and tucked into his shell, dodging the swing and slamming himself into the war hero while he was off guard. Barst winced in pain, the wind knocked out of him, while Roy aimed a killing strike. Before he could make his move, however, Cord swung his axe, forcing the koopa to break away from Ogma’s second in command.

“N-nice save,” Bast grumbled, pushing himself up to his feet. Roy Koopa grinned at the two axeman facing him, his blaster hefted on his shoulder.

“All right, so you hicks actually have a little fight in ya, eh?” Roy said with a snort. “Good, give me a proper challenge!”

The Ancient Minister growled as he launched lasers at Caeda, but the pegasus knight was too quick, weaving around his attacks and aiming swipes with her wing spear. The Ancient Minister cursed, realizing she was getting closer with every strike.

At the center of the conflict, Marth and the Black Knight traded blows. Marth was at a severe disadvantage strength wise, but he moved like a dancer and struck with the grace of a swan. Though they both had cuts from near misses, the Black Knight had a few more scrapes on his armor.

Unfortunately, Marth was really only delaying the inevitable. He moved a fraction of a second two slowly, and an armored foot slammed into his chest, cracking the armor. The impact threw him back, and he found himself dazedly hanging over the ship’s side.

“Not a bad job,” the Black Knight said he marched towards the fallen king. “Certainly haven’t had a fight that entertaining since my last with the radiant hero!”

Marth rolled to his feet, gasping. Grabbing Falchion’s hilt, he raised it defensively. He took deep, laborious breaths, his mind working in overtime….desperate to find some opportunity to take victory…

“You’re doomed to fail,” the Black Knight said. “It’s sad, but true. Still, I do hope you’ll keep fighting to the end. I like to think the best of the opponents I’ve slain.”

Marth was about to respond when an explosion lit up the sky. Both men looked to see one of the airships losing control and falling down to the sea below. The pegasus knights let out a chorused cheer, and Marth pointedly ignored the fact that they were far less in number. 

Grinning, he stood up again, facing the Black Knight with newfound energy. “I think your assessment is a bit premature.”

“Perhaps,” the Black Knight grunted, and they charged each other again. Marth darted forward, swift as an arrow, dodging the Black Knight’s downward slice and landing a solid gash on his armor. It would have cut deep, too, if the man’s other hand hadn’t shot out and caught Marth by the neck.

A swift squeeze, and Marth dropped Falchion, bringing up his hands instinctively to his neck. His eyes wide and desperate, and unable to get air, all he could do is kick the air uselessly as the Black Knight stared into his panicked eyes.

“You had the chance to surrender,” The Black Knight said, almost as an afterthought, before plunging Alondite deep into Marth’s chest.

Marth’s strangled gasp was all that could be heard. His allies stood in shock, unable to believe that their leader could be….

“OFF HIM!” Caeda screamed, her pegusai’s hooves slamming into the Black Knight’s from behind. It did no damage, but the sudden attack caught the knight by surprise, and he fell, losing his grip on Alondite. His helmet fell free, and the face of a stunned man with coarse blue hair stared into Caeda’s murderous eyes.

Letting out a war cry very unlike what was expected of Archanean royalty, Caeda thrust at the knight’s face with her wing spear, the knight desperately raising his armored arms to block against her vicious blows. The spear couldn’t break through the enchanted armor, but Caeda’s aggressive strikes and the Black Knight’s shock kept him at bay.

The Ancient Minister rolled his eyes, targeting Caeda with a laser, only to dive to the side as Ogma attacked, ripping half his cloak to threads. Navarre was on him a second later, and the commander did his best to weave around the two mercenaries’ attacks.

Roy swung his bullet bill blaster, catching Cord in the face and breaking his jaw. As the axeman crumbled he held his weapon horizontally to block Barst’s downward slice. Their weapons locked, both men wrestling for an edge.

For a moment the three pairs of a fighter fought at a standstill. Like always, however, it didn’t last.

The Black Knight’s knee came up, catching Caeda’s horse in the stomach and eliciting a whinney of pain from the creature. She bucked, throwing Caeda off her shoulders, and the queen hit the deck rolling next to the critically injured Marth.

The Ancient Minister spun, shooting a laser that caught Ogma in the shoulder. Quite uncharacteristic of the ordinarily mild ambassador, he landed a vicious headbutt on the captain of the guard, and Ogma went down. Navarre lunged from behind, but a bullet bill struck him in the back and exploded, throwing the swordsman off his feet.

“You’re welcome for the save,” Roy said with an evil grin, tossing an unconscious Barst to the side.

Caeda took a knee, pointing her spear level at the three opponents who had dominated their strike force with ease. Taking deep breaths, she wondered how she could possibly get out of this one.

“Did I mention that we could come to an arrangement?” She asked weakly. 

“Yes,” the Ancient Minister said, an ugly look on his face, clearly no longer trying to act affable. “Surrender now and we save your fallen king.”

For a second Caeda considered it.

“Get….out of here,” Ogma growled, slowly rising to his feet. “Back to the castle. Get him to his sister. Turn this thing around. I’ll hold ‘em off for you.”

Her husband or her guard captain? It really wasn’t much of a choice. Pulling the half dead Marth to his feet, she dragged him over to her shell shocked pegasus.

“Should’ve beheaded the damn thing,” The Black Knight said, prepared to charge after her.

“Oh it hardly matters,” The Ancient Minister said as he took aim at their backs. “Captain Ogma’s too injured to-”

Ogma’s broadsword impaled itself into the Ancient Minister’s chest, the former gladiator having thrown it. The Ancient Minister let out a mechanized shout of agony, sparks flying from his base…

“Holy crap!” Roy shouted in awe. “Hard core!”

Navarre rose to his feet as well, joining Ogma in stepping between the Black Knight and the retreating Caeda. Reaching into his sheathe, he tossed a spare sword to his fellow mercenary.

“I’ll be wanting that back,” Navarre muttered, unable to stop himself from giving a faint smile as Caeda took flight, Marth in tow. 

“Sure thing,” Ogma said, twirling the blade experimentally. “If Hell lets us hold onto our weapons at the least.”

The Black Knight shook his head in amusement and stepped forwards, gesturing Roy to stay back.

“Bah, damn thing isn’t my type,” Ogma said, frowning at the thin blade. “You go high, I’ll go low.”

“Try not to die before me,” Navarre said, and the two lunged for the knight in what was surely a suicidal gesture.

-

Chrom winced as he felt the cold air bite his shoulder, reminding himself once again that Frederick had been right to advise him to cover up. He seemed to forget every year Regna Ferox’s punishing conditions, and every year the frigid air was a harsh reminder of how thick he could be.

Still, on his shoulder the mark of the exalt was proudly emblazoned, the proof that Naga’s blood flowed in his veins. Like his divine blade Falchion, the birthmark helped him feel connected to his heritage, and to Naga herself, who had given everything to preserve the world he loved. When the war got bad in Valm, Frederick had practically forced him to put on a full suit of armor, but when he could help it he wore mark proudly.

Now he practiced, though he had nothing true to fight in several years, swinging Falchion to slice up some Feroxi dummies, which were purposely modeled after the Mad King Gangrel, the Conqueror Walhart, and the usurper Validar. They felt good to cut down.

“You’re beginning to slow, Chrom,” a woman’s voice chuckled behind him. “All these years of peace are making you fat.”

Khan Flavia, clad in the crimson armor Chrom had always seen her in, stepped into the training grounds to greet the man of exalted blood. Chrom grinned in spite of himself.

“You’re a great many years older than me,” Chrom said with a mock bow. “Yet you’re the same warrior who challenged Grima all those years ago.”

“Of course!” Flavia said in mock surprise. “What is it that the oaf always says? That he’ll outlive all of you and your shepards?” 

“Speaking of Basilio, any idea who the West Champion is this year?” Chrom asked, sheathing Falchion and joining her in their walk to Arena Ferox.

“No idea, and it’s beginning to make me worried,” Flavia said, shaking her head in annoyance. “The oaf’s keeping them awfully quiet, and he usually boasts all night long about his champion when the firewine starts flowing.”  
“He’ll probably just send Owain at me again,” Chrom said, chuckling at the thought of his boisterous nephew. “Though I’ll admit, I haven’t seen him in a while….”

-

Regna Ferox was as loud as ever. The Feroxi jumped in their seats, slamming their weapons to the floor as they watched the pre battle between Gregor and Lon’qu, two war heroes and shepherds who had taken part in the battle against Grima himself.

One would assume Robin, who in comparison to the bloodthirsty and loud Feroxi looked completely out of place in his bookish and mellow appearance, especially since the young man had his nose in a novel. They’d be wrong; Robin felt very comfortable in this environment. Perhaps it was because the hearty brawlers and cold conditions of Regna Ferox were about the exact opposite of Plegia’s desert sand and cold sorcerers. The Feroxi, respecting strength, loved Robin. After all, the tactician had led them to victory in three wars and killed the fell dragon himself.

Chrom’s little sister, Lissa, however, found him a bit too comfortable. Huffing, she nudged Robin on the shoulder.

“Why don’t you ever pay attention?” Lissa asked. “I’ve been waiting to see these two fight forever, and you don’t look interested at all.”

“Sorry, Lissa,” Robin chuckled. “The sequel to Wyvern Wars was just released, and Sumia’s been pestering me to finish it so she can have someone to discuss it with.”

“I’d advise you to read the novel on your own time, Robin,” Frederick said from his left, giving him his famous stern graze. “Regna Ferox may be a bit...different than most halidoms, but we are still ambassadors to a cultural event, and we want to reflect well on the realm of Ylisse.”

“All right, all right,” Robin said, closing his book. “I can see I’m outvoted here. No need for the lecture, Frederick.”

“Hehe, yes!” Lissa said, rubbing her hands in excitement. “C’mon Robin, let’s bet on who will win.”

Robin couldn’t help but get lost in Gregor and Lon'qu’s battle. Lon’qu, the younger and taller of the two, moved like quicksilver, his blade never still. He pushed Gregor, the aging mercenary, back, but the wily old man was experienced, and not once had the younger man landed a blow, though Gregor’s arm shield was beginning to get a few too many nicks.

“Gregor’s getting on a bit in years, though he’d deny it,” Robin said. “And Lon’qu’s swordplay improves every time I see him at it. The old dastard’s just delaying the inevitable.”

Gregor took a few deep breaths, a bit tuckered out, but grinned when he noticed Lon’qu panting equally as hard. “Haha, young Lon’qu has old man lungs now!”

“Please,” Lon’qu said, though a small smile was on his face. “I’m just hitting my stride.”

The swordsmen lunged at speeds that would cut down most men, but Gregor wasn’t most men and managed to raise his arm shield in time to block it. With a growl of effort, the sellsword swung his blade, but Lon’qu twirled away like a dancer.

“Lon’qu is just showing off now!” Gregor guffawed, charging feroxi swordsman down. Their swords met, and they traded blows. Gregor was a fraction of a second too slow, and crumpled to the ground when Lon’qu delivered a swift kick. The older man tried to rise, only to see a sword at his throat.

The crowd roared, throwing their swords and wine bottles in the air as Robin gave Lissa a knowing grin. Chrom’s younger sister merely gave an exaggerated roll of her eyes.

-

Like a panther, a masked figure slowly edged their way to Arena Ferox, cautious of the many guards patrolling the area. Ordinarily they wouldn’t risk going to such a crowded and rowdy place, but they happened to hear a certain someone would be participating in Ferox’s champions’ tournament. They couldn’t miss out on this.

“We need men down at the longfort! Plegian forces are invading! Orders from Raimi herself!”

The masked figure froze with several questions running through their mind. Plegians? Why? Why now? What was their purpose? Why Ferox?  
These questions and more would have to be answered later. The figure looked around to see multiple Feroxi troops mobilizing. One observant man spotted them behind the boxes.

“You... I recognize that mask!” He was a dark skinned man, with a thick beard and a wizened face. His eyes held a fiery determination to them as he spoke. “Lucina the Foreseer. I was one of the men you led against the Valmese calvary. Captain Brutus of the Angry Bears.”

The figure let out a resigned sigh and removed their butterfly mask, revealing the brand of the exalt in their left eye. A cascade of dark blue hair fell down their shoulders, and their newly revealed face held feminine features that were not showcased in their body frame.

“You caught me,” Lucina admitted. “We’d best deal with the Plegians now, lest we spoil the tournament for everyone, don’t you agree, Brutus?”

Brutus nodded, still a bit astonished at the sight of the Ylissean royal, but quickly cupped his hands to his mouth to bark out an order to mobilize. The Feroxi were quick and efficient, and their whoops of joy were quick to bring a grin to Lucina’s face. She had missed their tenacity and eagerness for combat. That smile grew even wider as she freely ran alongside Brutus and his men, everyone shouting battle cries as they jumped outside onto the snow covered walls.

That smile faded, however, when they arrived at Fort Ferox. Too many men, dead or worse, littered the snow, turning it red a disturbing shade of red. Their assailants, women with copper skin and clothes inappropriate for the cold weather, danced and sliced through the Feroxi soldiers even despite their smaller number. Lucina could even compare their skills to some of the weaker Shepherds.

Raimi, captain of the border guard, stood firm and steady in her armor, defending against two of the (Plegian?) women with her great shield and her long reaching lance, and a few Feroxi archers shot with precision from their vantage point on the wall, but the battle was clearly far from in their favor.

Fortunately, Lucina had brought reinforcements.

“Brutus, support Raimi and take back this wall,” she ordered, knowing the captain would trust her judgement. “I’ll take the offensive.”

“For Regna Ferox!” Brutus barked, and the Angry Bears took on the cheer, lunging into the fray. Likely thanks to their experience in Valm, these Feroxi fought with a ferocity that far exceeded the soldiers on the wall, who were likely still relatively inexperienced in battle.

Raimi gave a cat-like grin to Brutus as he fell in with her, slamming one of the women pressing her off the wall with his axe. “Why are you of all people following a foreigner’s orders?”

Brutus shrugged as Raimi swept the other assailant’s legs out from under her with her lance. “She’s no ordinary foreigner.”

Lucina flipped off the wall with all the grace of a dancer, her cape billowing behind her in the wind. Landing in a roll, cut through two of the female warriors before they could raise their swords. She leapt back, dodging a swing from an axeman.

“So you are from Plegia,” Lucina muttered as the muscular man charged her, flanked by a few of his friends.

Even as she fought against the bandits, Lucina managed to catch sight of a man in black of armor out of the corner of her eye on horseback. Assuming he’d be the leader, she kicked one of the men in the chest before spinning and plunging her sword into the chest of the second. The bandit gave a strangled gasp and collapsed as Lucina ripped Falchion free and pointed it at the approaching horseman.

“What’s the meaning of this, brigand?” Lucina asked. Despite her claim, the more she looked at him, the greater the feeling that the man leering at her was more than a mere bandit. There was a cruel intelligence in his eyes, and his armor was ornate. “Plegia’s in no shape for another war with Regna Ferox, and you can be sure that Ylisse will be quick to back up our allies.”

 

“You misjudge me,” the man said, giving a clearly mocking bow. “We simply hoped to enjoy the tournament this year, join in on the festivities.”

Lucina growled in annoyance, but glanced back at Raimi, who was kneeled over a fallen Feroxi soldier. “I’d sooner cut him down, but ultimately it isn’t my decision to make whether to let him in,” Lucina said.

“You kidding?” Raimi sneered as she rose. “He spilled Feroxi blood, so he’s going to die.”

“That’s your answer,” Lucina said, kneeling into a fighting stance. “Raimi, we just got the wall back, you’d better hold it.”

The man in dark armor raised a hand, and Lucina’s eyes widened at the sheer number of the army that marched behind him. Bandits, dark mages, more of these female warriors in the inappropriate clothing charged forth en masse.

“Nabooru,” the man in black armor called, and the leader of the female warriors, judging by the markings on her skin and her ornate sword, marched to attention. “Rush the wall around us.”

“Who are you?” Lucina asked again as the one named Nabooru began shouting orders in a different language. “Remnants of the Grimleal?’

“That reminds me,” the man in black armor said, drawing a shining sword and dismounting his dark horse. “The fell dragon sends his regards, and regrets he cannot kill you himself.”

Lucina’s eyes shot out wide. “What-?”

The man in black shot out an arm, shooting a ball of magic that struck Lucina in the chest. The impact of the blast threw her back into the wall in an explosion. Raimi cursed and began ordering the Feroxi to mobilize.

“Charge!” Nabooru roared, and war cries of “for the Gerudo!”, and “Lord Ganondorf!” carried over the wind as the Gerudo warriors danced up the wall, throwing themselves at the desperately defending Feroxi.

 

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -
> 
> Power Rankings of the chapter:
> 
> The Black Knight: A tier 
> 
> Marth: B tier
> 
> Lucina: B tier 
> 
> Caeda: B tier
> 
> Roy Koopa: B tier
> 
> Ancient Minister: B tier 
> 
> Navarre/Ogma: B tier
> 
> Barst: C tier
> 
> Cord: C tier
> 
> Bord: C tier
> 
> Average Minion: D tier 
> 
> -
> 
> Bit late but better than never, here's a nice intro to how the archanea saga fire emblos are doing! This one's a bit weird as it's a bit too long for a single chapter, so expect a part two at some point. 
> 
> Oh, to give a heads up: I'm not using any canon from New Mystery of the Emblem, so no Kris or anyone from that game. Consider this as post Shadow Dragon but pre Mystery of the Emblem.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy, and I'd love it if you left a review!

**Author's Note:**

> Power Rankings of characters so far:
> 
> The Dark Dragon: SS tier
> 
> Various gods and goddesses: S tier
> 
> Meta Knight: S tier
> 
> Bowser: A tier
> 
> King Dedede: A tier
> 
> Ancient Minister: B tier
> 
> Bandanna Dee: B tier
> 
> Gerudo warriors: C tier
> 
> Mid level minions (Hammer Brothers, Waddle Doos, Koopa Troopas etc.): C tier
> 
> Low level Minions (Goombas, Waddle Dees etc.): D tier
> 
> Escargoon: D tier
> 
> -
> 
> The power ranking system will be explained in further detail down the line. For now, consider C tier to be those with the abilities of the average human.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the story so far! I'm personally happy with it as a prologue, but I fear I was a bit hamfisted with some of the explanation. Hopefully we improve on that in time.
> 
> Finally, since we're trying very hard to be as faithful to the games as possible, so please give us any knowledge you have on characters or games you know a lot about. There are many games we're representing, and we want to justice all that we can.
> 
> Ciao!


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